First Day of School!

I have no less than 100 pictures on my real camera to document Lily's open house on Wednesday. Today Daddy had the real camera and we were not on the same page when it came to documentation. I will upload the iphone pics I took tomorrow.

In summary today was very good. The whole family took Lily to school this morning to drop off our girl. The goodbye was just as I had pictured it. At first Lily ran into the room without so much as turning around and as far as the teachers were concerned Daddy and I should just slip out, but I know my girl.

(*side note - Are all toddlers a little OCD? Seriously, Lily is VERY ritualistic about saying goodbye/goodnight. We have started affectionately referring to said ritual as the "secret handshake" and lord help you if you get it wrong. I'll take a video of it and post it soon, you know for posterity...not at all in a mocking way)

Back to my story. I called to Lily to let her know that we were leaving and asked if she would like to do the secret handshake. Immediately she froze in her tracks and retreated back to us, looking a little panicked. I assured her that I would be back to pick her up, completed the ritual, and made a bee line for the car. I feel a little ridiculous admitting that I cried in the car on the way home, but it hurt leaving her there.

I came home, put Ben down for his nap and proceeded to putt around the house for two long hours. Ben FINALLY got up around 11 and we had a great time playing bubbles on the front porch. Right on schedule at 11:55 he began to frantically and relentlessly beg me for lunch. (He repeatedly cycles through his signs, more, hungry, please, more hungry, please, more, hungry, pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeee). It was a little early to go get Lily but I couldn't handle the begging so we headed over to her school, which is less than two minutes door to door. As it turns out pickup is a little (A LOT) hectic so we were not as early as I thought. Lily's teacher saw me in the door and brought Lil over to be signed out. By the time I looked up from the most amazing hug ever her teacher had returned to the classroom and we were just left standing in the hall. No mention of how the day went, no further instructions. Like a total rookie mom I stood there for a minute not really knowing what to do, so we left. It was weird.

Lily was oddly quiet as we walked to the car and she requested that I turn off the radio for the ride home. Poor thing. She must have been so overstimulated. I made the mistake of asking her a few questions and after three consecutive one word answers she snapped, "Mommy, I don't want to talk right now." Totally my bad. After scolding her for snapping I apologized for pestering her and we ate lunch in silence. I laid down with her at nap time and again she was pretty quiet.

Finally after nap she was a little more chatty and here are the details of her day:

They sang three songs - "the monkey song" "the hot dog song" and "the spider song"
They read a book - "I don't know what it was about"
They had a snack - "It was regular crackers, yesterday it was teddy grahams"
They played outside - "I rode in every car, one was broken. I did not break it"
She was assigned a job - "My job was to clean up"

The only two unsolicited pieces of intel:

"There is a raccoon there, I love that little guy."
"One little boy ate the other little girl's snack."

So there you have it. We'll see how next week goes. Overall I think she liked it.

Toddlers are amazing.

Preschool gives me hives

Just when you were thinking that maybe, just maybe, we were all grown up and gone forever.

After nearly three months without blogging a single sentence I am officially back on the wagon. We have had a crazy summer full of high highs and heartbreaking lows. I promise to do my very best to catch everyone up as soon as I figure out the best way to do it. I can't decide whether to do a series of short posts or a few very long ones. AND I have not forgotten that there are some very important things that happened this spring that I have still yet to type out. Just like raising a family this space is always a work in progress and I appreciate my loyal friends and readers who have gently reminded me over the past few weeks that I am missed and that I had better start posting pictures of my kids again, or else.

I want this post to be sweet and funny...but mostly I just want to not throw up.

Lily starts preschool tomorrow. I am simultaneously excited and devastated. Here is the thing about sending my first born off to school. Up until now I have been Lily's whole world. I am her best friend. I know all of her stories, I can finish her sentences, and I recite every episode of Octonauts...all while throwing mommy doll off the roof. I have been here. To make every snack and kiss every boo boo. To read every book and sing every song.

Now there will be new songs, and I will not know the words.

Soon she will come home bursting to tell me all about firetrucks, or butterflies, or calculus and it will all be new to me. Especially the calculus. I will not know who she sat next to at snack when she inevitably forgets and asks me their name. I will not know how many times she went down the slide, or if she was chosen to feed the fish or pick up the blocks. Everything will be new and exciting to her, and of course I will be excited too...but for this little girl's mommy all of this "new" is bittersweet.

This is the start of Lily becoming her own person. I have spent three years basking in the amazing spirit that she is when she is with me, in our comfy bubble. Now it is time to send her out in to the world and I am not ready to share. The outside world will change her for the better...and for the worse. I know it is only preschool but this is it, her first big step...away from me.

Don't get me wrong, I know in my heart that school will be great for her. I would not send her if I felt otherwise, not all three year olds need to go to school and I will be making this decision on a kid by kid basis! But Lily? Lily, our girl who spoke in full sentences at 18 months, potty trained herself at two and a half, and just informed me yesterday that when she grows up she will take her coffee with cream and sugar, is ready.

In fifteen years when she reads excerpts from this blog there are a few things I want her to know:
(Lily this list is for you.)

1. I will always be here.

I promise to try my very hardest to always be here when you get home from school. There is nothing more important to me than hearing all about your day. Please don't leave out any details! I want to know whether or not you ate the lunch I packed, I want to know how many times you can jump rope, I want to know the names of all your friends, and what you learned in science class. I want you to know that there isn't anything you can't tell me.

2. I am your number one fan.

Every child deserves to feel that they are unconditionally loved, and you are no exception. I will proudly display your arts and crafts, applaud loudly at your band concerts, stand in the rain on the side of some field, and unabashedly brag about you to all of my friends. I believe in you with my whole heart.

3. Love learning

There are so many amazing things to learn in life. Explore, read, create, listen. Yes, school is a lot of work. No, you are not always going to love the assignments you are given or the topics you are expected to cover. That being said, going to school and learning all that you can is one of life's greatest privileges.Your dad and I can only barely scratch the surface when it comes to teaching you. Teachers are passionate about their jobs but you have to be an active participant in your own education. Be passionate about learning.

We will get in to the kind of person I hope you will become in future posts. For now just know that I expect you to be a good listener, use your manners, and for heavens sake don't wait if you have to use the potty!

This is your fair warning world, Lily is about to take over. Meanwhile if you need me tomorrow I will be crying in my car from 9:01 until 12:16pm.

11 Months!

Oh my, that stings.

I should probably start by saying that as I sit here on the couch on the eve of my daughter's third birthday I am in no position to write this month's post. My heart is both busting with love and breaking into a million tiny pieces. Excuse me while I go and get a tissue...or the whole box.

Have I mentioned that I love having a baby in the house? Even though it is a tremendous amount of tedium there is nothing better in the world than a warm, sweet, baby snuggled into your neck at the end of the day. I will miss these days for the rest of my life. I hope I never forget just how much this little boy loved to be held. Ben reminds me every day that, in some ways, my children are very different. I really do count my blessing twice that God has given me the opportunity to be a mother all over again. I can not imagine who I would be without these two perfect little people in my life. The snuggling though, boy OH boy, I am a sucker for the snuggling.

Likes: Snuggling (did I mention that?), Mommy, blankie, paci, wheels, taking baths, Lily, any toy that Lily is currently holding, the cats, people in hats, men with beards, crashing, banging, climbing, climbing, and climbing.

Dislikes: Being cold at swimming, not being permitted to stand on chairs, being alone, sleeping past 5am.

Nicknames: Benja and Tater has proved to have staying power. That being said I very rarely call either of my children by their given names and will often substitute any number of random nonsense words...all of which they answer to. (Ben does absolutely know is real name however)

Milestones: Clapping (finally!), another new tooth (4 on top, 2 on bottom), officially standing, a few very uncertain steps.

Feeding:  The question of weaning has been popping up all over this month. Several of my friends and family have expressed a little surprise at Ben's continued enthusiasm for nursing. I don't really know what to say. I do not have a plan. I guess I will continue to nurse Ben for as long as he wants (within reason), although I have decided to drop a feeding here and there. As it stands right now he nurses first thing in the morning (5ish), before his morning nap at 9, occasionally at 11:30 (which we are dropping), before his afternoon nap at 1:30, occasionally at 4 (which we are also dropping), and before bed at 7. I take partial responsibility for "too many" nursing sessions. I still have more than enough milk and part of me is a little relieved when he wants to nurse. Like I said I do not have a plan and I may very well decide that it would be better for me to start the weaning process sooner rather than later. I couldn't be happier that our nursing bond is still going strong and I am thrilled to have gotten Ben off to such a great healthy start. The only major drawback I see (other than fleeting "selfish" thoughts about having my body back) is that he really has no interest in learning to use a cup. He likes to hold it, and bang it repeatedly on the high chair...but he isn't actually drinking anything from the stupid thing.

Solids are still going great. Ben officially eats Lily under the table on a meal to meal basis. There isn't anything he won't eat at an alarming rate. It is hard to name favorites because he is such an eager eater. I think he really likes cheese, banana, chicken, and strawberries. When I asked Matt, and he finally stopped laughing and shaking his head, he also added graham crackers and eggs to the list.  At least one of my children will have eaten something this year!! Mother of the year!

Sleeping: Again this month I will be brief here. Unlike last month I am not completely fed up with the sleeping situation, there just isn't a lot to say. Ben takes two regular naps and sleeps with little regularity at night. I no longer answer his squawks in the night unless I think he is in real distress. He is an early bird, which is not how the rest of us roll. In fact, Lily is still sleeping in the guest room, but that will be coming to an end once Aunt Kate moves in. That gives us roughly 7 more weeks. A lot can change in 7 weeks, right??

Odds and Ends: Ben is on the verge of walking...and I am terrified. I already spend half the day prying him off from the coffee table and bookshelves, once he can turn on a dime and take off in the other direction I am in big trouble. His climbing skills are unbelievable. In three years it has never occurred to Lily to stand on a chair. Like I said previously, I have two very different kids. For obvious reasons I don't have any pictures of his dare devilish antics but the day he swings from the dining room chandelier you can bet I will have my camera ready.

Ben is starting to really understand what we are saying and it is amazing to watch him transition from blob to person. I have started doing our sign language which took Lily almost no time to pick up and once she did it was amazing what she could do. I suspect it will take Ben longer but you never know. He knows what the word "no" means and is usually pretty receptive to it. That doesn't mean he won't be back at it in 10 seconds but for a brief moment he respects my authority.

A few weeks ago we started swim lessons at the Y. Ben loves to splash in the tub and has never shown any fear of water. That being said he HATES the pool. I don't think it has anything to do with the noise or the large space, poor guy is just freezing. He shivers from head to toe almost as soon as we get in the water. It is so sad and definitely something he has in common with his sister. I don't really have a solution other than to hold him tight and move around a lot. I do think he will love our pool this summer...but we are two for two on kids who would rather stay home and pick up the playroom than go swimming at the Y.

The weather is starting to resemble spring and last week I took the kids outside to play almost every day. Ben loves to push the walker outside! It is adorable. Lily is the proud owner of a new trike and I imagine that Ben will thoroughly enjoy riding on the back once he is a little more stable on his feet.

As I mentioned, Lily turns 3 tomorrow so I am not even going to address the fact that next month Ben will be having a birthday of his own. For now I am desperately just soaking in every last second of babyness.

Up next: Don't even go there...but first I turn 32!

10 Months!

This month's post might be a little skimpy, especially in the picture department. Last month's post was a week late, February is a short month, Zombie Apocalypse is upon us, and Ben has been sick with a cold for the last two weeks.

As I posted on facebook, I got an email this week from 'Amazon Mom' with the subject line, "Transitioning from baby to toddler." What I didn't post on FB was that my first thought was, "Stupid Amazon, Lily has been a toddler for a long time!" ...I wish I was kidding.

I obviously realized pretty quickly that the subject of the email was Ben. My sweet sweet little baby. I couldn't decide whether to give in to the impulse to cry or send a scathing email to stupid 'Amazon Mom'. Both seemed like completely reasonable responses to such blatantly hurtful implications. I suppose I should have seen it coming. All of the telltale signs are there.

I mean look what I caught him doing in the kitchen!

I love the look back at the very end when he is about to get in to the recycling, which he obviously knows is a no no! Don't let him fool you, that is his devilish grin!

Likes: Getting into EVERYTHING, making as BIG a mess as possible, eating EVERYTHING in sight, sitting DIRECTLY in the middle of whatever elaborate doll drama happens to be taking place in the play room, blankie, paci, Lily, banging things, balls/any toy with wheels, being held for the sole purpose of squirming to get down.

Dislikes: Sleeping past 5am, being alone, not getting his way in general really gets his goat.

Nicknames: Same - Benja and Tater

Milestones: Three new top teeth with a fourth on the way, bellowing the syllables ma-ma over and over when he is angry/distressed/irritated, taking steps with the walker, standing momentarily when he isn't paying attention, initiating peek-a-boo.

Feeding: I am officially off the pump! Can I get an Amen! I would like to proclaim my utmost respect to working moms who breastfeed their babies. I was pumping twice a day for Ben so that I could get some extra rest when Matt was here to give him a bottle. Pumping for me is the ultimate chore and I cannot imagine having to do it every day, several times a day, in order to maintain the supply. For those of you who have never done it, I by no means want to put you off. Obviously, I believe the sacrifice is more than worth the benefits to my kiddos...but it is a freaking chore. It isn't just the actual pumping that I can't stand. It is the planning, and the packing, and the endless washing of pump parts and bottles. I am so very excited to be done with the pump. (until the next baby that is!)

Ben is nursing like a maniac these days. It could be a growth spurt or it could be that he is taking advantage of the new "mommy is scrambling to figure out how to be a single parent five days a week" scenario we've got going on. Any former schedule we may have had is impossible to keep by myself...so I just nurse Ben whenever the heck he wants to. Simple as that.

Solids are still going great. I have a confession. I let Ben have peanut butter, clearly way before his first birthday like the books recommend. It was sort of an accident. I have been giving him the toasted crusts off Lily's peanut butter toast for a few weeks but I always cut the crusts off before I spread the peanut butter. Then one day I didn't, and a peanut butter lover was born.

Ben loves everything I put on his tray, except cottage cheese. He will eat it, but he sort of winces and frowns while doing so. It is both sad and funny. So far I have been exponentially better about giving him "table" food than I was with Lily. Last night for dinner he ate ground beef. I was afraid I was going to lose a finger. Lily still won't really even try half of the foods Ben has been devouring these past few weeks. Consider our grocery budget - blown!

Here are a few shots from a typical meal!

Sleeping: Only occasionally sleeping through the night. Up before the sun every day. I am so over it. Maybe a few months from now I will regret not writing more detail, but I just...can't.

Pushing himself to standing, oh my. 

Odds and Ends: Ben is all boy. I have said all along that I have no idea where my girlie girl came from and that butterflies and tutus must be in her DNA. Well the same can be said for my rough and tumble, four-wheel-obsessed ten month old. You would think with all of the pink and princess nonsense we have around here that Ben might be a little doll obsessed, but he has latched on to the few balls and two trains in the entire house. He instinctively knew how to push the train around on the floor. It really is an amazing contrast. It is probably a good thing he has a birthday coming up and we can get him a few more toys to match his budding interests.

This month was even more of a struggle than it would have been otherwise because Ben was sick for 10 days. He is just now getting over a cold that started a few days before Valentine's Day. It seems that for Ben colds mean snot, and a lot of it. His poor little nose was so raw that for a few days we just couldn't wipe it. It was cracked and bleeding, poor baby. He slept like crap and was pretty clingy and miserable during the day. On top of the cold the poor guy cut so many new teeth. It is no wonder he doesn't sleep through the night. I am happy to report that he seemed to be feeling much better today and I think he is finally on the mend.

All previous kidding about the whole baby/toddler metamorphosis aside, I really am heartbroken by how fast this year is going by. Well maybe not by how fast, more accurately how much of a blur this year will have been. I can't do anything to change how little we all slept, but I don't want Ben to look back at these posts and think I didn't enjoy his babyhood. There are not even words to describe how much I love these days. I don't fill these posts with an over abundance of gush nearly as often as I could, but my heart literally bursts at the thought of that little boy. I was (and am) so deeply in love with my daughter that I really did worry that I couldn't possibly love another baby nearly as much, and then God sent me this perfect little boy. I love his wispy hair and his crazy huge smile. I love how tightly he holds on to me when I carry him and how much he laughs and giggles when I tickle his feet during a diaper change. He just loves to be loved on, above all else. Please don't grow up too fast sweet boy. Toddler-hood might be right around the corner but it is fine by me if you want to stay a baby for a little while longer.

Up next: Swim lessons, Easter bunnies, and hopefully some spring time temperatures!

9 months!

::::sigh::::

He is growing up way too fast. I am sure many of you have heard the expression, "you can't spoil an infant." Well boys and girls Ben is no longer and infant and he is SO spoiled.

I used to sort of scoff at the idea that birth order really played a role in shaping a person's identity. Now that I have two kids I can definitely see differences in the way I take care of the kids in the day to day. With Lily it was just she and I with very few distractions. Translation, I was in her grill 24/7. I had time to over think, research, and follow through with every decision I made. Poor kid! With Ben I am just too tired to fuss over every little thing. What's more, I find myself doing things for him that I never would have done for Lily. I am at his beckon call. Not because I love him so much that I can't stand to see him cry, ha!. No, honestly I just don't think to not go to him. When he cries or fusses I am usually distracted doing something else and without even thinking about it, the next thing I know I am carrying him around with me...again. It certainly doesn't help that this kid is literally obsessed with me and there is nothing in the world better than being picked up. He isn't clingy or shy per se, he just really likes to be held, a lot. In ten years I know I will not regret a single minute of all the toting, unless of course he still expects me to...that would be weird.

Eyes closed makes this picture even better

It came as no surprise at Ben's 9 month appointment that he is still on the (very) small side. What was surprising? When he projectile vomited down the front of my shirt! The room was really hot and Ben had been bouncing and climbing all over me for a long time so I really wasn't worried that he was "sick". Well his little stunt was enough to get him out of his vaccines and now we have to go back this week. The highlight of the appointment however was when the nurse did the finger stick for Ben's iron test. He went completely ballistic and screamed louder than I have ever heard him. It must have startled the nurse too because she let go of his finger. Blood started streaming down his hand, which he was waving around manically, effectively spraying it all over the room. He ruined his new outfit, my (already vomit stained) white shirt, and no doubt scarred several other small patients for the rest of their lives.

The stats. 

Height: 27.50 in (17%)

Weight: 18lbs 14oz (37%)

For those of you keeping track he is up a little from 6 months. He was only in the 15th and 33rd percentiles for height and weight at last check. 

Playing on the dog in fleece pjs - Mommy's favorite. 

Likes: Mommy, Lily, Blankie!, Lily's favorite Elmo figurine, being held, playing on the dog bed (oh, how I wish this wasn't a thing) taking baths, eating endless piles of Cheerios, cords/wires/electronics/outlets, splashing in the dog's water bowl. 

Dislikes: Being put down (although he gets over it pretty quickly), being fed any slower than the speed of light, being told no. 

Nicknames: Benja and Tater seem to have the most staying power. I have started calling both kids Bubba, which Lily thinks is hilarious. 

Milestones: Waving bye bye on request, standing momentarily while moving from the couch to the table. Playing solo in the playroom!
(A new hippo-sized top tooth has broken through in the last 24 hours but this post is late so technically this should go in his ten month post)

Mom?? Did you know I was in here alone?? 

Feeding: Same as last month breast feeding is still going strong. Matt has started a new job with new hours so I have stopped pumping in the morning. While this is freaking fantastic it does mean that I have to get up with Ben every day. No more cat naps in the morning while Matt does a bottle. I am still pumping at night before bed so that Ben can have a 5oz bottle before bed and so that I have some milk to mix with his meals. 

Solids are going awesome. Ben is a great eater and will pretty much devour whatever I put on his tray. He does a great job feeding himself but prefers to be spoon fed when I am willing and able. So far I haven't noticed any allergies or aversions. Just like with Lily I make some of his food and give him some store bought Gerber. I usually make all of his veggies in the steamer and buy the fruit baby foods since nothing is in season around here during the winter. I was making applesauce but did the math and it is actually cheaper to just buy the huge jar of (no sugar added) Motts. Both of my kids eat it by the bucket-full. Some other favorites: Scrambled egg, cheddar cheese, puff puffs, banana, and butternut squash. 

In other news the irritation with being in the high chair has passed and we never did figure out what was causing it in the first place. 

Sleeping: Things in the sleep department have improved. I would not say that he sleeps soundly through the night, but his waking/fussing never lasts too long and he is able to soothe himself back to sleep. I can't believe I haven't really mentioned this until now...the boy is a blankie fiend. Lily has a blankie (as do I of course) but she didn't really become attached to hers until she was a year old. Ben REALLY loves his blankie. I can't remember the last time we went in to check on him in the crib and he didn't have it tucked up under him. He drags it all over the house and I will catch him having a random snuggle at least a few times a day. It is a thin bankie and I am worried it will not stand the test of time. Fear not, I am already in search of duplicates. He is also a fan of the Dr Brown's pacis and I bought him a few of the next size up. He really only uses it at bed but that might be more of a mommy imposed limitation. 

I went back and reread the sleeping section of last months post...GOD, I am so thankful that we are not in that place anymore. In summary, things have been a lot better recently and I am keeping everything crossed that we are finally on the road to restful nights. I have said it before but every time I go back and read these posts it sinks in a little deeper, sleep deprivation is cruel. There have been times in the last 9 months when I literally thought I was losing my mind. There were nights when all I could do was cry. There were days when I thought I would never be happy again and I felt so hopeless. More than once I thought that I might need to seek out professional help but was really resistant to taking medication. For me a good night's sleep was always the fix. And wouldn't you know it, when I started to string a few good nights together, I started to feel like myself again. Honestly, I chuckled a little reading about how tired I was in the first few weeks after Ben was born. I didn't want to write about it out of fear that I would tarnish my memories. Ha. At this point I am just grateful to have survived it and should our next baby be a terrible sleeper I will ask for help a lot sooner. (Yes, I am praying that there be at least one more baby in our future. Crazy huh?!?!) 

Odds and Ends: I know I say this every month too but Ben is a seriously happy guy. Yes he prefers his Mama, but he will happily go to anyone with outstretched arms. He laughs and smiles all day long and I can count the number of times on one hand that he has ever really just cried for more than a few minutes. He is laid back and seems to be pretty content to let Lily have her way 99% of the time. (Lily of course takes full advantage of this and I often wonder just how long he will tolerate her bossy ways) The two of them spend a lot of time in the playroom together these days. It amazes me that at such young ages they have a sense of envy, always preferring the toy that the other one has. The behavioral scientist in me is intrigued  The mom in me is slightly annoyed.

While I certainly wouldn't say Ben is independent, he is stubborn and will go after the same naughty thing a million times - totally one track minded. As I mentioned under his likes one of Ben's most favorite activities is splashing in the dog's water bowl. He never misses an opportunity. Ever.

Ouch!

As I mentioned last month Ben's motor skills are incredible  After having a daughter it is unreal how much faster boys seem to develop. Maybe it isn't a gender thing, maybe it is a my kid thing but I would be shocked if Ben wasn't walking by his first birthday. One thing that the kids do have in common, they are tough cookies. Anyone who has spent five minutes with Lily has seen her fall down, yet she hardly ever cries about it. Every time he takes a tumble Lily jokes that Ben should wear a helmet. It probably isn't a bad idea. He did suffer his first real boo boo this month in the form of a big ol' fat lip. He was in the crib during afternoon nap time and I heard "the scream". Other moms will know what I mean, it is just such a different cry when a kid gets hurt. I bolted up the stairs to find Ben shrieking with blood coming from is mouth. I was afraid he had put his tooth through his lip but all in all it turned out to be just a nasty bump.  I cleaned him up and just like that, he was over it.

It is just me or does he smile with his entire body!?! OMG - LOVE

Up next: Love bugs, long winter days, and maybe a few new tricks.

8 Months!

I know that this is over a week late but this time it is all Ben's fault. I tried on FOUR separate occasions with two different assistants to take Ben's 8 month photo...

At first he was so sullen...

Which escalated to agitated...

And then came angry...

And then he was gone...

Ahhh, such is the life of my busy little man. No time to sit around and smile for pictures when there are so many of Lily's unsuspecting toys just waiting to be destroyed!! December went by in the blink of an eye, but luckily I took a million pictures this month to document all of the fun we had. Ben changed more this past month than any other period of time up to now. 

We have settled back in to our normal routine after being in Maine for Christmas. Ben's day looks something like this:

7:00am - Wake Up! Babble and bounce loudly to be sure that Lily is also awake.  

7:45am - Mommy kicks Daddy out of bed to go get the kids, she can sense when the natives are getting restless. 

8:00am - 6oz bottle and a diaper change make for a happy baby. 

9:00am - Exhausted from being out of bed for an hour, Ben desperately whines to nurse and go down for a nap. 

10:30am - Wakes up, fusses for a few minutes, finds blankie and possibly even paci and goes back to sleep. 

11:00am - Officially ready to rejoin Lily for some play time. 

11:30am - Nurses for 5-10 minutes in 30 second intervals. Mommy thinks this is especially annoying. Ben doesn't care in the least what Mommy thinks. 

12:30pm - Lunch! 

1:30pm - Afternoon nap. 

3:30pm - Regardless of how much or how little sleeping was done, Mommy caves and nap is over. 

3:30pm - A little more pop-on/pop-off nursing

3:35-5:15pm - Playtime, mostly used for tormenting his big sister, touching absolutely everything naughty, repeatedly getting stuck under the exersaucer, scaling the couch, and banging things just to see what happens. 

5:15pm - Dinner! 

5:30-6:45pm - More play time, mostly supervised by Daddy. Mommy suspects someone is going to break something one day very soon. Hopefully it is the coffee table and not someone's nose. 

7:00pm - Bedtime! A 6oz bottle, story, and lights out. 

7:45pm - Last peep...although most nights we do not turn on the monitor until later, so this is just an estimate.

Again this month I do not have any stats or numbers but I would be willing to bet that Ben will still be in the lower percentages come his 9 month appointment at the end of January. After his crazy growth spurt in November I haven't noticed any significant change in his weight or length. He is still wearing size 2 (*correction! sz 3) diapers and 6-9 month clothes fit a little snug, whereas 9m are really too long.  

Likes: Getting into everything, Jazz music (seriously), shoving everything in his mouth, Lily, the remote, the phone, the dog's water bowl, crawling, pulling up on everything, cruising the furniture, escaping from the playroom, blankie, Mommy, splashing in the tub.

Dislikes: Being told "no", something about the high chair (we can't pinpoint exactly what he is so unhappy about), not being able to reach something, sleeping through the night.

Nicknames: Lily has started calling him Benja...so now we all do it obviously. 

Milestones: Crawling, pulling up, cruising the furniture, distinct babbling of both Mama and Dada...on a few occasions it seemed awfully deliberate, a million new foods. 

Feeding: Nursing is still chugging along. My supply has remained about the same for the past few months and barring something beyond my control I fully expect to continue to nurse Ben on a similar schedule for the next couple of months. I know as he begins to eat more solids he may want to drop one of the daytime nursings, but for now I am going to be pretty insistent on them. I don't love pumping, in fact I really dislike it, but giving Ben a nice big bottle at bedtime is the only way I can be sure that his nocturnal shenanigans are not the result of being hungry. In theory the morning bottle should afford me an extra hour of sleep but it almost never happens. 

I have always had a harder time reading Ben than I ever did Lily, and the topic of solids is proving to be no exception. Ben seems to like food but for some inexplicable reason cries through every meal. Some meals go better than others, but I haven't noticed any obvious patterns. He seems to cry a little less (??) for Matt than when I feed him. Clearly I am finding it hard to describe...it isn't screaming but it is more than fussing, and he doesn't turn away from the spoon, but he isn't exactly bouncing in anticipation either. It is very odd. The minute the meal is over he is back to mr. happy-go-lucky. I am certainly open to hypotheses on this one...

Sleeping: Ben is not sleeping through the night. To say that this statement doesn't horrify me would be a lie. I am known to get up a time or two (or twelve) to pee during my second and third trimesters. Given that fact, it has officially been more than a year since I have slept through the night with any kind of consistency...more than a year. Maybe there are some other moms out there shaking their sympathetic heads at that statement (my whole heart goes out to you!) but my suspicion is that the majority of the people who read this blog have no idea what it is like to go a full calendar year without sleeping more than a few hours at a time. I wouldn't wish this kind of torture on my worst enemy. 

In the name of being completely honest some nights are significantly better than others...and some nights are much MUCH worse. As I have said before I am a supporter of a little cry it out sleep training, as is my pediatrician. A little over four months ago I started to let Ben cry himself to sleep at nap time and it worked like a charm. He may not be a marathon nap taker, but I put the kid down in his crib wide awake twice a day, and he never cries and always soothes himself to sleep. At night it is a whole other nightmare story. He goes down just fine. He and Lily chatter and play a bit, but in less than 30 minutes both kids are out like a light. Dingle and I check on the kids before we go to bed around 10:30 and Ben stirs a little but usually stays asleep. At some point between 12:45 and 2 he wakes up screaming bloody murder. This screaming usually only lasts a few minutes, but it scares me to death and I lay awake in bed watching him on the baby monitor. For the next hour he alternates between fussing and sleeping and I do not usually feel compelled to go in and soothe him (but I am certainly not sleeping either). On really bad nights he continues fussing for more than an hour, I go in to soothe him, he gets even more mad, wash-rinse-repeat until dawn. 

With Ben it is always something. First it was teething, then a major growth spurt, after that a horrible cold, and now...who knows, possibly another growth spurt or more teeth? The guy, and by extension I, can't catch a break. All I know is that every night I go to bed hoping to sleep for more than four hours and very rarely do I get to. (sidebar: For those of you wondering why I don't go to bed earlier...that is the downside of pumping a bottle for Matt to give him in the morning. The only way to pump enough milk is to stay up a little later. Like I said, in theory it is an excellent plan...in practice it worked beautifully with Lily...bottom line I need to be more resolved to stay in bed in the morning.) 

At this point feeling rested is a distant memory. It makes me sad that I am so tired. Some days I feel like I am the worst version of myself for my kids and my husband. I want to want to play, and make a delicious dinner, and keep a clean house but I am just too worn out. I just have to keep telling myself it will not be like this forever. 

Odds and Ends: Ben is so wonderful. I know that might seem like a silly statement given the above paragraphs, but it really is true. He is crazy about me, and I am a sucker for babies that are crazy about me. He is so busy, busy, busy during the day but just before (and sometimes after) naps he still likes to be cuddled for a few minutes. He snuggles his little head in to my neck and just lays there being held. Understandably, it is my favorite three minutes of every day.  

From this point forward whenever I say that Ben is "busy" you should read: "you people are screwed." We are seriously under prepared for such an active baby. Lily didn't really get to moving until she was 10 months old, and even when she did she was so cautious and delicate. We never baby proofed a thing, and to the best of my recollection she never broke anything. Just today Ben knocked a candle off the entertainment center, repeatedly knocked over the cat's water bowl, and pulled my laptop off the coffee table. All of the above was done under my supervision, what can I say...he is strong and he moves so damn fast! He is very busy. 

It took Ben less than three weeks to master crawling, pulling up on everything, AND cruising the furniture. Today on several separate occasions I witnessed him in the "bear-crawl" position as if he was thinking about standing up on his own. Seriously Ben, s-l-o-w down. I am too tired to literally chase you around the house. Can't you just sit on the couch and read books for an hour with me and your sister? (High-five Lily you are awesome!) 

The holidays went by in a blur and I felt a little bad that "Ben's First Christmas" was completely over shadowed by "Lily's Third Christmas" - yes I know that isn't really a thing but you get what I am saying? Lily was just so excited, and for the first time sort of understood presents and Santa...and no one could outrun the whole wonderful tornado of it all. Ben didn't even wear the baby's first Christmas onesie Mimi bought for him. An oversight on my part for sure. All that being said, we had an amazing Christmas as a family of four and I still can't get over how much our lives have changed since last year. I do have a Christmas pictures post in the queue, stay tuned. 

Up next: 9 month check up, the addition of a third meal per day, and some serious baby proofing...Ben is busy! 

7 Months

Ben turned SEVEN months today! 

(look who got his post done on time! I know, I know, mother of the year!) 

I briefly considered not posting the above picture because it is so seriously cute that I know somewhere a kitten just kicked a bunny in a fit of jealous rage over Ben's cuteness. What can I tell ya bunny, we all know that kittens have rage issues. 

I do not have stats this month since Ben does not have a checkup, but I can say with 100% certainty that the boy...he is growing. I am not sure exactly what happened between his last appointment and today but he seems HUGE to us. In an attempt to set some kind of record Ben wore 6 month clothes for LESS THAN THREE WEEKS. I'm sorry but that it just absurd. 

He really can do that himself, when Lily allows it.

Likes:  Lily, sitting up on his own, dumping toys all over, blocks, the cats, puff puff yum yums (gerber puffs),   Mommy, Mommy, and more Mommy. 

Dislikes: Anything that either involves or requires Mommy to be out of direct contact, being put down, having things taken away, sleeping through the night

Nicknames: Tater, Cutie McSpud, Mr. Potato Head, Spud McGee

Milestones: Two teeth, feeding himself cheerios

Feeding: Nursing is still going...great. Yup, let's go with great. We have both struggled a little bit with my over-active let down and supply (sorry buddy, I know you will never in your life need to hear about this, let alone read about it on the internet), but aside from a little choking and sputtering I haven't heard any complaints. Recently Ben has decided that he is far too busy and important to dedicate his attention to nursing. It is not really a problem so much as it is just plain annoying. It makes nursing anywhere without a cover-up damn near impossible. I am sure just like everything, this too is just a phase. 

The grin fools no one.

When it comes to feeding Ben in his highchair, there are about a million things I would rather do. For example, stub my toe, go to the grocery store on a crowded holiday, call my insurance company, or snuggle with the dog just after a rainstorm. Just to name a few. Ben seems to think that mealtime is hands down the best time to practice blowing raspberries and perfecting other crazy vocalizations. There is gagging and sputtering, spitting and slobbering. He makes a huge mess every.single.time. I am not a fan. I guess if this is the worst part of my day I should just shut up right now. 

Aside from the horrific mess, Ben is a pretty agreeable eater. On the menu thus far, squash, peas, carrots, applesauce, banana, grapes, oatmeal, and rice. Loves them all. 

Sleeping: I can't believe I haven't mentioned this until now, we moved both kids into the same room. There is really only one explanation for our impromptu decision, we hate sleep. In fact I hate sleep so much I am hoping to never do it again. Ben is helping me achieve this goal. So long story short he still isn't sleeping through the night. I go in and readjust (retrieve and reinsert paci, recover, fire up sleep sheep) him at least once during the night. Who knows how long it will be before Lily packs a bag and moves out in the middle of the night. At least we will all be up to see her off! 

Odds and Ends: I will write a dedicated post to Thanksgiving but for now I will say that Ben was a lovely traveler and house guest. He is getting stronger and stronger every day. Watch out Micheal Phelps he is after your Olympic Gold Medal Record. I really don't think it will be long before he starts to scoot around on his bum or even crawl. I am in no rush whatsoever for any such nonsense but he seems pretty determined. 

The teeth. What can I say? He got a little red-cheeked and his nose ran a little...next thing we knew BAM two teeth in two days. Lily didn't have teeth until she was 10 months old. Given that the kid barely sleeps I have no clue whether this most recent milestone disrupted his screaming pattern. I did give him some Tylenol once I realized the poor guy was going through something fairly traumatic. I mean, that has got to hurt. All in all I would say he took it like a champ. 

Lily puts this hat on Ben no less than 10 times a day - real men wear pink :)

Another development has been his new Mommy addiction. He has always loved to be held, but up until very recently he hasn't shown any particular preference for the holder. Dad, Mom, robot nanny, gorilla, he didn't care as long as said holder promised not to set him down under any circumstance. Now however, it is all about Mommy. You guys, he reaches for me. And then...you guessed it. I die. I know it is just a phase. Some day too soon he will run from me as though he is being attacked by a bear. So for now I am just soaking it all in. 

Up next: A whole lot of Ho Ho Ho!!! 

ETA: I have changed my settings so that anyone can now comment, please let me know if you are still having trouble leaving a comment! 

6 Months!

Ben turned 6 months old on Tuesday and as usual his post is a few days late.

 Sorry buddy. Will you forgive me? 

Thanks Tater Tot, you're the best. 

For the past few weeks we have been struggling to return to our pre-vacation routine. Overnight it seems that my infant has burst into babyhood. I took Ben to the doctor yesterday, and yes I got his sheet! His appointment went great in that I refrained from talking about Lily too much but I really should have written down my questions beforehand. My brain is mush and under no circumstance should I be trusted to think on my feet. Oh well, I guess it is a good thing that I didn't have anything too pressing to ask the pediatrician. Ben was a total peach during the appointment and despite having to have four shots, he never once acted as though I am the worst mother in the world. (Insert every post about taking Lily to the doctor ever) 

During the appointment the pediatrician mentioned that Lily was the exact same size at this age. Say what?!!? Ben seems SO much bigger. Seriously, I am already struggling to carry him in his car seat...and I carried Lily in that thing until she was a year old. I was skeptical but she had her laptop with Lily's records right in front of her, and she didn't give me Ben's sheet, so I took her word for it. We talked for a few more minutes, she told me Ben looked perfect, and just like that the appointment was over. Ben had is first ever flu shot so we had to wait 30 extra minutes in the waiting room to make sure he wasn't allergic to anything in the vaccine. I was all antsy in the pantsy to get Ben's sheet so I went up to reception to ask for it even though the pediatrician was there and I was a little embarrassed by how fixated I was on getting that stupid piece of paper. (sidebar: At the playground today I was retelling this story to two other moms who also go to the same practice and they both interrupted to say that they too love the sheet and were bummed to not get it at their most recent appointment, so there you go...not so crazy after all.) 

I looked over Ben's stats and frowned at the pediatrician. The conversation went something like this:

Her: "I knew that you were going to be worried, stop worrying."

Me: "You're not worried???"

Her: "That is why I looked up Lily's stats. She is a peanut too."

Me: "She was always a peanut, Ben started out a monster." (It wasn't that long ago that he was in the 96%)

Her: "Your baby is not a monster."

Me: "Well, no not now! Now he is a pygmy!"

Her: "What was he for Halloween?"

Me: "A pumpkin and a cow."

Her: "Aww, I bet he was a very cute cow."

Me: "Aww, thanks. Yes, he was very cute."

:::::long pause::::::

Me: "Hey, I see what you did there."

Her: "I really don't want you to worry."

Me: "He dropped again, significantly"

Her: "He is fine April, really. I am not worried."

Me: "Should I feed him more?"

Her: "Nope, just keep doing what you are doing." 

:::::more frowning::::::

Her: "He is perfect, happy, healthy...and the kid has a killer grin."

Me: "Aww, thanks."

:::::long pause::::::

Me: "Hey! I see what you did there."

Her: "I am a pro." 

She later sent me an email making sure I wasn't worrying. So here I am, not worrying. Of course I would be lying if I said that I didn't want Ben to be all tall and athletic like but all that really matters is that he is healthy and happy. Blah, blah, blah....(please grow)...mother of the year. 

So the stats: 

4 Months

Height:  25 inches (56%)

Weight: 14lbs 14oz (52%)

6 Months

Height:  25.75 inches (26%)

Weight: 16lbs 10oz (36%)

   

Also I checked Lily's baby book and the pediatrician was wrong about Ben and Lily being the same size at six months. Lily was 14lbs 14oz at six months, so she was the same size that he was at four months. BUT Ben's percentages are about the same as Lily's were. Pygmies, my children are pygmies.

Because I am a lunatic I looked up a male height chart and determined that if Ben stays in the the 26th percentile he will be 5'4". Anyone want to guess how tall my brother is? Hmmm.

Likes: Lily (big surprise there), putting everything in his mouth, sitting up like a big boy, overalls (that may be mommy's like), nursing, not sleeping, being held, the door jumper, bath time, Colby, looking in the mirror, scooching backwards off the playmat, rolling over...and over...and over.

Dislikes: Sleeping for more than 3 hours, being put down (no surprise there either), getting stuck under the couch (see scooching), loud noises, having a poopy diaper, having things taken away.

Nicknames: I should have included this in earlier posts - Tater Tot, Spud, Handsome Guy, Buddy (which sounds like "buggy" when Lily says it)

Milestones: Controlled and deliberate rolling (mommies of older kids know what I mean), unassisted sitting, eating solid foods, jumping in the door jumper.

Feeding: Ben is still getting a 7oz bottle first thing in the morning and at bedtime. Also still nursing every three hours or so during the day. Two weeks ago we started solids. Just like with Lily I started with rice cereal mixed with breast milk and few days later we moved to baby oatmeal. I didn't make the switch because of the recent arsenic stories in the news, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about it. Anyway, a few days later I added squash to the mix. My intent was to add more veggies this week, but I kept forgetting. Carrots are next on the menu, when I get around to it. The actual act of feeding Ben is super annoying. Did I just admit that? Well, you know what Tater, you are a maniac and you make a mess. More squash goes up your nose than in your mouth, you grab at the spoon over and over, you spit, and smack your lips. It is nearly impossible to hit your mouth as you bounce up and down in anticipation of the next bite. Okay, I will admit that last part is sort of cute.

Sleeping: This really should be its own post, but I just can't muster the energy to beat that horse again. This is what I will say. Sleep deprivation has brought me to new lows since returning from Florida. At some point I slipped passed cranky, sailed passed irritable, and landed in crazy town. Seriously. I had a panic attack in the parking lot of the grocery store. I am okay now, but I caught a quick glimpse of hopelessness, and it scared the stuffing out of me. We went home to Maine the following weekend so that my mom and dad could take the baby for a night. It wasn't much of a recharge, but it was better than nothing. Things have been better in the sleep department this past week, with the exception of last night, so that is something. Ben just isn't a sound sleeper, and when he stirs, he cries -when he cries, I hear him - when I hear him, I lay awake and listen to him cry. The pediatrician wasn't concerned, I guess some babies are even worse sleepers?!? In any case I want Ben to sleep better, I just don't think there is anything more I can do. So for now we are still taking it one day at a time and celebrating small victories.

Odds and Ends: I stand by the statement that Ben is a super happy baby. As he becomes more mobile he is increasingly becoming more tolerant of being put down. Although as I mentioned earlier, you can't expect to find him where you left him! Lily didn't crawl until she was almost 10 months old, I really don't think Ben will wait that long. It took him a few days but he quickly mastered the door jumper. Our little Hercules has demonstrated some serious strength in the last few weeks. He can stand in the saucer for an absurdly long time, he can lift his entire chest of the floor, and he has full body control when sitting all on his own. Most of the time I just want to tell him to relax and stop working so hard. I am so not ready for him to be mobile.

Since starting solids we have had the joy of changing some pretty offensive diapers. The funny part is that Ben seems to be particularly bothered by this change. Not that we typically let him sit in a dirty diaper, but it has happened once or twice. Now? Now, he wails to be changed before he is even done. Poor guy, I really shouldn't laugh.

The relationship between Ben and Lily makes my heart burst. Every time Lily kisses "her baby" out of the blue or Ben lights up when he hears Lily's voice, I die. Cuddling in the chair with Ben is Lily's new favorite thing and she requests to do so on a daily basis. "Can I hold Ben with myself?" At music class she insists that they both sit on my lap, even when I offer to set Ben on the floor next to us. She will not go down for a nap or up to bed without kissing him goodnight. For the most part she is both generous and gentle. Ben just eats it all up...and then I die some more. I couldn't choose just one of the following pictures so I am flooding the post with all of them.

Up next: A few days in Maine, turkey day, and hopefully some sleep!