Baby #3 - 38 Weeks!

Here we are...last weekly post of this pregnancy! I will try and post at least once more before the baby comes, but I'm not making any promises.  I will try and be good about posting random pics to IG so that you all know I am still hanging in there. If I do go into labor on my own (smart money is on 'not in this lifetime') I will post updates as best I can, so make sure to follow me @growingupmaine if you don't already!!

Baby stats: Who knows at this point! He is still putting on weight and with one full week to go even I can't predict if I think he will be bigger than his brother or not (8lbs6oz). It would make sense if he is a little smaller considering he will be delivered a week before his brother was but this belly is just SO big.

Bump picture: 

Matt and I took a few minutes to recreate the maternity picture we took when I was 37 weeks along with Ben. The backdrop is certainly nicer this time around! The kids didn't really participate like we were hoping so if we get another bright morning I think we might try one more time. That poor yellow tshirt is really working hard, haha. 

How you doin'?: The baby is definitely dropping, or has dropped. All of the sudden I am finding it very difficult to stand up straight. My lower back has started to hurt a little too. Only one more week, one more. The best thing about this new position is that I can finally breathe again! I am not loving that now the baby has a little more room for kicking me in the ribs...I think he is still sunny side up given the placement of his bony little knees and feet. 

I am grateful that as of today I still have the energy to clean and nest like a fool all while chasing after the kids. Matt has been helping more with the cooking and meal prep which is great because it is the one thing I really don't feel like doing these days. As of today all of the rooms have been thoroughly cleaned and organized. I unpacked five boxes today!! There is one room (the loft room) that has become the catch all for all of the boxes that we still have not unpacked. My goals for tomorrow are to clean the fridge, grocery shop, and organize the remaining boxes. The only remaining 'big job' is to wash the floors and hopefully I will get that done on Wednesday. I love the motivation that comes with the last few weeks of pregnancy!!

I have my last OB appointment on Wednesday. I am confident that he will check my cervix only to find that yet another week of false labor has done nothing to increase my chances of going into labor on my own. It's ok, I played the horrible head games at the end with Ben and I won't even go there this time. No matter what, baby boy will be here one week from today!

Aversions/Cravings: I am officially averse to cooking. It just seems so labor intensive! As for the food when I don't feel like cooking I really don't feel like eating. I have to make a list for the grocery store tomorrow or I will come home with a cart full of nonsense that the kids will be pleased about but probably won't equate to a single meal.

Sleeping: Not much. I am tossing and turning a lot. I get up to pee a lot. I always get the best sleep early in the night, it all goes down hill after 2:30am. Let me tell you this right now, this is not good practice for when the baby comes. Anyone who dares say that to a tired pregnant lady should really be ready to run in the other direction. No mother has ever said to her husband after a particularly long night, "Thank goodness I was sleeping so terribly toward the end of my pregnancy, it was GREAT practice!"

Movement: He has been by far my most active baby. There are still nights that I ask Dingle to take a shift applying counter pressure to my belly so that I can fall asleep. As I type this he is kicking away with all his might.

Milestones: I don't really think I have passed any new milestones since last week but I did realize that I have officially been pregnant every calendar day of the year...that is sort of cool huh?

I am looking forward to: Announcing this baby's arrival!!

Worries: Ugh, there are so many things that could go wrong or be wrong with the baby but I am trying to keep all of those worst case scenarios out of my mind. It won't do me any good to go down that road. I have absolutely no reason at all to think that this little boy is anything less than perfect.

Let's compare: 

I think my nesting energy is surging later than it did with my other two.

I walked literally miles and miles hoping to induce labor with my other two, this time I have zero interest in doing any extra walking.

I finally ordered the baby a few new things on Sunday. Up to this point I literally have not bought him a single thing. Nothing too exciting but we needed to restock some baby essentials (like burp clothes) and I bought just a few things that will be 'his' (like his coming home outfit!).

Best moment of the week: Lots of highs this week!

Blackbeary came home all on his own. The weather has been ridiculously beautiful. I had a glorious mani/pedi at a spa yesterday.

Lily said something hilarious that I just have to get down so that it is never forgotten. We were getting in the car to head to the store and it was really hot inside. As I was getting everyone settled she proclaimed loudly, "Mommy it is hotter than a chicken nugget in here!" OMG, I laughed for 20 minutes.

We are all ready and waiting on you baby boy. We love you so much and can hardly wait one more minute to meet you!

Baby #3 - 37 Weeks!

I know I skipped my 36 week post, but my sister was here and we were far too busy relaxing and crafting some adorable projects for the kids' rooms. She and Dingle were also busy drinking beers but since she always offers me the first sip I let them enjoy their beverages without too many guilt trips.

I would have had this post published 'on time' but Monday night our indoor cat got out. After nearly two hours of calling to him, and a 30 minute thunderstorm, he did not return. We still haven't seen any sign of him despite literally doing everything feasible in the last 48 hours to find him. All we can do now is wait and try to remain optimistic. It really is a terrible feeling not knowing what on earth could have happened to him.

Tuesday night (last night) my mom was here, spending the night so that I could take her to the airport at 5am today. I was all set to sit down and finish this post when my dad called to say that my mom's flight had been canceled. My parents literally have the worst travel karma of any people I know. Long story short she ended up canceling her trip but still spent the night because I was too lazy to drive her home after 8:30pm.

So here we are Wednesday, again.  In less than two weeks baby boy will be here!

Baby stats: The baby center email that arrived in my inbox this week was downright cruel....unintentionally I suppose. All I could read of the body on my phone said, "Your Pregnancy 37 Weeks! - Has baby arrived?" No, no the baby has most definitely NOT arrived, but thanks for asking! At this point he is fully developed but will continue to put on weight while he hangs out and waits for his eviction date. I started having babies way back when 37 weeks was considered "full term", apparently that has changed with some practitioners. I really couldn't care less what anyone calls it...this baby is fully cooked!

Bump picture: 

36 Weeks 

37 weeks 

How you doin'?: I love being pregnant, I do. I know how annoying that sounds. I am going to miss the big belly and the all day baby dance party when baby boy is on the outside. I don't mind the small discomforts I am feeling these days. I know that there are some poor mamas out there who had major pains and a laundry list of pregnancy related  'side effects' that really and truly made them miserable. I count my blessings every single day that at nearly 38 weeks pregnant my biggest 'complaint' is that my clothes are uncomfortable.

Yes I have a few things going on right now that I do not love; nightly heartburn, leg cramps, cankles, and an early afternoon crash that hits like clockwork at 1:30pm. I know I was still working at this point with Lily but all of that is such a blur. I imagine by the end of the day I was pretty freaking tired. I have one very vivid memory of being brought nearly to tears because I had to cover a study hall on the opposite side of the building and up two flights of stairs and I only had four minutes to get there...and at 39 weeks pregnant it might as well have been on the moon! With Ben I was just starting to get hit with allergy season so I was miserable but not because I was pregnant. This time around, what can I say, with all of the sickness behind me I am really content to just ride out these next 12 days.

I am nesting like a crazy person. I will never understand the evolution of such a desperate urge to clean underneath the refrigerator (seriously I will kill someone if this task does not get done) while simultaneously being unable to see my own feet. I am trying to go room by room and one day at a time so that I don't end up getting in over my head (i.e. throwing every article of clothing my family owns into the middle of the living room so that I can refold and put it all away 'neatly'. This action will without a doubt cause me to go into immediate and urgent labor resulting in a total loss of sanity at the thought that my mother and father in law, upon seeing laundry mountain, would have an unfiltered view directly into my crazy). :::waves hi to Mimi::::
ANYWAY, today I folded and put away the kids clothes and meticulously vacuumed every square centimeter of their bedrooms. Tomorrow I move on to the bathrooms.

Contractions, contractions, SO many contractions. I get tired of timing them to be honest. I am pretty confident that they are doing absolutely nothing. Last night they were about 5 minutes apart for the better part of The Late Show...and then I fall asleep. I will say that I am legitimately in awe of a bodily mechanism that can be timed to the second. I may not be great a birthing babies the old fashioned way but man does my body keep good time!

Aversions/Cravings: Meh, sad to report that food is just food again. I eat to avoid feeling unwell. I have absolutely zero desire to cook. I would still trade you my left arm for an ice cold summer ale in a tall frosty glass.

Sleeping: Ok. My mind is very busy with nesting all night long so I have been having a harder than usual time falling asleep. Staying asleep these days isn't happening either but so long as I don't feel dead tired when I wake up I can usually keep my spirits up.

Movement: Still moving A LOT, especially when I am having contractions. I actually googled it to see if it was 'normal' (it is) for a baby to become more active during contractions. Like I said I will miss it when it is not part of my day.

Milestones: I have officially gained 30 lbs. After tomorrow I will have just one OB appointment scheduled before my c-section.

I supposed this next one is a milestone...some might say right of passage ?? ... I have my first ever stretch mark. SO SAD. It is on the underside of my enormo-belly and has probably been there for a awhile but I will fully admit I was super bummed when I first saw it.

I am looking forward to: The final days as a family of four. We are heading to the beach on Friday to spend the morning together. There are a few other little things I would like to do, but for the most part just soaking in these precious days.

Worries: There are a few things that I have started to worry about but more than anything I was struck by something Dingle asked me the other night. He is a little worried that I will have postpartum depression this time, thinking that this is 'it' for us. He isn't wrong, if I allow myself to think "this is the last time that..." thoughts I do think I will be overcome by sadness. I am not going to go there. The fact is, unless something happens during this baby's birth that would prevent me from carrying another baby, nothing is ever really off the table.

I am a little worried about my hormones in general. I am already feeling very torn about being away from my kids while I am recovering in the hospital. I suspect that will be very hard on me. I am also worried about the 'mama bear' feelings I am already having in regard to the new baby. In the past Matt and I have had a few days at home alone with the new baby before the cavalry arrived. This time with so much family around, which we are blessed to have obviously, I am already not wanting to 'share'.  All I can do is cross that bridge when we get there.

Let's compare: 

Coasting through the final weeks in relative comfort...for the third time!

Hormones in general have been kicked in to high gear, a little early this time around.

I've officially gained the most weight with this baby.

Best moment of the week: Impossible to pick just one from my sister's visit. The beach was a highlight for sure. Summer in general is just so awesome. 

Baby #3 - 35 weeks!

I'm not even going to pretend that I want to be writing this post. This is what happens when I don't make the time to blog about the things I want to blog about and only blog when I feel totally obligated. Don't get me wrong I am super excited about being in the home stretch...we will all be meeting this baby very soon!

Baby stats: At my appointment today I was measuring right on track. The baby is about the size of a honeydew and is rapidly running out of room. He is head down and my OB said that at this stage of the game that is unlikely to change. Most of his physical development is now complete and he will spend the next few weeks just packing on weight.

Bump picture: 

I am not in love with the fact that most of the shirts I have that still fit do not have any kind of stretch or elastic at the bottom. I feel like I am wearing a tent. All of my tank tops now ride up in the front and Dingle affectionately calls me "Mr. Smee". I'd love to say I don't see the similarities.

How you doin'?: Still feeling really great pregnancy wise although it is getting harder and harder to get comfortable. Today was the first truly humid day we have had this summer and I was a big puddly mess. All day I could not get over how tired and sweaty I felt. It finally started to rain a few hours ago and almost instantly the air (and my overall mental state) changed.

I am still wheezy and at this point it is all the baby's fault. He is so high, his feet are so far up under my rib cage that I just can't take a deep breath. Furthermore when he is rocking and rolling he literally knocks the wind out of me and I can't help but cough.

I have been trying to slow down to no avail. We have been going going going every day for the past week and as a result I am just beat at the end of the night. I painted the boys' new dresser and their bunk beds almost entirely by myself. They turned out even better than I was hoping and I am so excited to get them put together and in place. I would like to paint the boy's room tomorrow but we have a lunch playdate, I have a hair appointment, and we're eating dinner at my parents'. I'm not sure I will even be home long enough to get the prep work done, but I hope so. I haven't even started on their curtains or their comforters but they can wait for now.

If it is up to the dog I will have the baby any minute. He knows something is up and will not stop following me around. I cannot convince him that he does not need to nest nor worry on my behalf. I seriously thought he knew something I didn't the other night as he cried outside the shower curtain...turns out he is just wound too tight.

In unrelated to the baby news...strawberries are ready!!! My absolute favorite food ever. There is nothing better than a fresh picked strawberry, as always totally worth the rash I get from eating too many!

Aversions/Cravings: Strawberries, if at all possible the only thing I would eat. I've also been on an ice tea kick and after several horrible sun tea attempts with decaf tea bags I broke down today and brewed a pitcher with the regular tea bags...now I have to show some self control and not drink the entire pitcher before bed.

I can not wait to have a cold beer. Summer is significantly less enjoyable without one.

Sleeping: I suspect not at all unrelated to my recent tea cravings I have started getting up every two hours to pee. The worst are midnight (given that I have only been asleep for about an hour), and 5:30 (just knowing that a lot of mornings the kids will be up any minute).

Movement: As I said baby boy is running out of room so his movements have become less dramatic but no less stabby. I have had more than a few contractions this past week. Today at my appointment my cervix was completely closed, which was a surprise to no one.

Milestones: 35 weeks/35 days to go is a neat milestone numerically speaking but for me it is untrue...I only had 28 days left as of Monday.

I am looking forward to: My sister will be here this weekend/next week! YEA!

Worries: I am starting to get a little apprehensive about recovering from surgery. I will be fine and I know I will bounce back but it is still major surgery and I have two small people under foot who will not understand the concept of 'recovery'.

Let's compare: 

I am still pretty far behind when it comes to baby preparedness, I'm sloooowly chipping away at our todo list.

The all night peeing and heartburn have begun, albeit later this time around.

Best moment of the week: I took Ben for a hair cut last night while Lily was at dance class with Mimi and afterwards he took me out for pizza, just the two of us. Oh my goodness was he adorable. I was completely captivated by every single syllable he had to say. And don't even get me started on his facial expressions. I am so in love with that little boy and thanked God a million times that he is mine.

Baby #3 - 34 Weeks!

Only one day late. Not too shabby, haha. Oh how the standards have been lowered.

Baby stats: According to baby center the babies at this point in gestation weigh just under 5 pounds but at our ultrasound on Wednesday the tech estimated that he weighs about 5.25 lbs. Little man is in the 67th% at that weight and looked absolutely perfect. He was just as I predicted, head down and alternating between sunny side up and laying on his left side. He was wiggly and sucking his thumb and just well, perfect.

Bump picture: 

I had to laugh this week as the blog post about "What not to say to pregnant women" circulated around facebook. Clearly all of the world reads my blog :)

How you doin'?: I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER! It is amazing. My allergies are still there but they are more of a nag now than anything else. It really is humbling in a way to think back to just two weeks ago, I really felt terrible. I know it is easy to take being healthy for granted, especially given that it can all change in an instant. For the time being I have definitely gained some appreciation for being in such good health 99% of the time.

Pregnancy wise I am still feeling really great. I am back to feeling like I was made to do this. Light on my feet and not at all clumsy or awkward. I love my new clothes and am just feeling really comfortable in my own skin.

My only pregnancy woe is that I have been so out of breath for the last few days. It is all I can do to carry Ben up the stairs (which he requests all.the.time lately). I know I can attribute some of it to being a little wheezy from all of the pollen but the baby must be in a weird position too because there are literally times when I feel like I cannot take a full breath. As a result I have felt a little fatigued the past few days but once I figured out why I was feeling off I instantly cut myself a little slack.

Aversions/Cravings: I am a little sad to say that eating has lost a little bit of its bliss. After being sick and not really wanting to eat much of anything I have now moved into the "wow this baby is taking up a lot of real estate" phase of third tri. I feel full very quickly, which is actually a relief at times, but then an hour later I am starving again. I would say a change to the eating routine is in order. The red delicious apples I bought this week were mealy so I suspect that craving has been squashed.

Sleeping: I am not sleeping as great as I was pre sickness. I am a little more uncomfortable at night and have been waking up in the night with the dreaded leg cramps. The baby moves a lot at bed time and in the early morning hours which makes it hard to stay asleep, especially with the pitter patter of tiny feet upstairs as early as 5am these days.

Movement: C-O-N-S-T-A-N-T

Milestones: 34 weeks seems like a big one for some reason, if I remember correctly the baby's chances on the outside increase exponentially from here on out. (Although I am pretty sure that is the case with each passing week, no?)

I am looking forward to: Matt and I dropped the kids off with his parents a few hours ago! Matt was supposed to have a dentist appointment in MA tomorrow but he is a chicken and canceled. I was going to go with him. As a result was have the whole day to head down to Ikea and do some odds and ends shopping, eat at a few of our fav spots, and maybe even do a few house projects.

Worries: Still worried that if this little man shows early we will not be ready. We are making headway. I chose paint colors for the boys' room, my girlfriend sent the baby clothes bin home with her mom and dad, and I located the pack and play sheets. There is still a fair amount to do but fingers crossed we have five more weeks.

Let's compare: 

The baby is measuring smaller than Ben but bigger than Lily (obvi, she was SO tiny)

Shortness of breath is a new one.

Leg cramps and random numbness were a problem with Ben but I think our terrible mattress is a major contribution this time around.

Best moment of the week: My girlfriend and I met for dinner last night. We each drove half way from home, about an hour, to a great place right on the ocean. We ate outside and it was just the perfect summer night. We talked about her upcoming wedding (!!) and it is so exciting to think that the baby will be there with us when she says "I do".

Baby #3 - 33 weeks! An actual post...with lots of words!

I will start by saying thank you for the kind comments, texts, and messages I got from everyone after my last post. I am by no means feeling great...but compared to how I was feeling last week at my lowest, I am certainly grateful to be feeling better. I am unsure if this is "it" for us but I will say that God willing I will never be this pregnant during allergy season ever again. I expected it would be brutal but I really had no idea just how bad it was going to be. Shingles didn't help, that is for certain, but at the root of all of this sickness is pollen. I will be seeing an allergist soon after this kiddo is born to come up with an actual strategy for feeling better long term.

For now I am going to keep working at getting better like it is my full time job.

In my spare time I have been growing a human.

Baby stats: This week the baby weighs just over 4lbs. The rest of the info for this week from babycenter was pretty lame...hardening bones, less wrinkled skin, about the size of a pineapple.

Bump picture: 

I am not easily offended by much of anything, least of which being my physical appearance while pregnant. I know that I am a petite woman and that no matter what, growing a full term baby inside my own body....things are going to get a little freaky. I started off this pregnancy in the best shape of my life. I will even go ahead and say that I was a little too skinny. As a result I have nowhere to 'hide' this baby belly. BAM, it is all out there and in your face. I get it, I do. What I do not understand is the complete lack of filter that people in general have when it comes to pregnant women. As far as I am concerned the only thing anyone should ever say, if you absolutely have to say something, to a pregnant women (ESPECIALLY ONE YOU DO NOT KNOW) is:

"You look perfect."

Is that hormones talking?! Maybe. But you know what, pregnant women are hormonal...all the more reason to be careful what you say.

All this being said, when a stranger in Portland yesterday went on and on (and ON) about how there was no way they had my due date right or there must be more than one baby in there I was not offended I was embarrassed. I mean really, what was his point?

That is all. I really am not hung up on it or anything, just venting I suppose. In any case more than one person has made it very clear to me that, in their expert opinion, I am carrying so huge that there is no way I will make it to my due date. If it's all the same to them I plan to deliver a beauty of a full term baby on July 21st.

How you doin'?: As I mentioned I am feeling better. Not great, but functional. The house is relatively clean, some of the laundry is done, the kids are clean and fed. Sometimes that is all I can ask for. A huge shout out to my excellent partner in crime for doing way more than his fair share this past week. And thank you for never once complaining about any of it.

Pregnancy wise I am feeling really great. Despite the largeness of my belly I am not at all uncomfortable. I do not have any aches or pains and if it weren't for this sinus pain I would sleep like a baby all night long. I have noticed that the baby alternates between a very comfortable position and  a very uncomfortable one. I will be very curious to see exactly what he is up to at our growth scan on Wednesday. My money is on head down/sunny side up.

This is my 'golden week' for this pregnancy, when the baby's gestational age and my age are the same. I don't feel older but I sort of can't believe that I have been at this whole baby growing gig since I was 28.

Aversions/Cravings: For the first time in I don't even know how many months I have not lived to eat this past week. I am sure I still managed to gain some weight but not being able to taste much has definitely taken the fun out of eating.

Sleeping: As I have learned with each passing night in the last two years, sleep is the key to my survival. On the nights when I was able to get more than a few hours I felt exponentially better the following day. I know I have said it before but under no circumstance will I allow myself to endure the brain damaging sleep deprivation I endured with Ben. Luckily for me I no longer have the tolerance for it. I am getting better about waving the white flag, calling in for backup, and taking a nap.

Movement: Jumping all around but definitely has 'quiet' times throughout the day. Little man still loves to kick me non-stop when I am in the car. Like most babies the more active I am during the day the less active he is. He is always the most active from 7:30 to 11:00 at night. He rarely misses the opportunity to show off and will almost always give a kick or two if someone else puts their hand on my tummy. Occasionally his nighttime shenanigans are too much for me to handle and I will ask Matt to put his hand on my belly to serve as counter pressure so that I can get to sleep.

Milestones: Nothing springs to mind...I allowed myself a tiny glass of wine a couple of times this past week. Is that a milestone?

I am looking forward to: Bonus growth u/s on Wednesday! Matt will get a chance to see the new office and meet the new OB.

Worries: We are SO not ready for the baby to come home. He does not have a clean car seat (let alone a place in the car to install it) or any clothes (my girlfriend has the NB bin, which was totally my call...oops). The crib is currently being used as a toddler bed. I have no clue where the bottles/pump/accessories are...wherever they are, they are not clean. Also not clean, the swing, a single pacifier, or any baby toys. Let me be clear here. I am not at all concerned about caring for a new baby or how it will turn our whole world upside down (again). I am worried that if I do not do any of the work to get ready for the baby before he is born then it will never get done and he will be naked, bored, and sleeping on a towel in the bottom drawer of our dresser.

Let's compare: 

Matt has only been to two Ob appointments this time around, I don't think he missed a single one with Lily. His attendance probably wasn't great for Ben's appointments...he was my only babysitter after all!

I am definitely still bigger this time but the weight gain is slowing down as opposed to ramping up.

I have never been so sick while pregnant. Hell, this may be the sickest I have ever been.

Best moment of the week: This is a hard one because I feel like feeling slightly better than horrible is a pretty weak "best moment". I bought a few new things for my wardrobe today...a couple of dresses, a skirt, and a few tops. There was just no way my old maternity clothes were going to get me to the finish line. I don't love spending money on clothes I will only wear for a few weeks but I am hoping at least a few of the things I bought will still look ok after the baby is born.

Baby # 3 - 32 Weeks! Short and sweet

I know this is a day late. I also know I skipped my 31 week post.

I am sick. More sick than I have ever been while pregnant. About two weeks ago I came down with shingles. I actually posted about it in my 30 week post but I thought it was hives. It was SO not hives. I didn't post last week knowing that it would have been a whole lot of wah wah, and who really wants to read that? In summary shingles is terrible, the pain is seriously unreal. I have a much deeper appreciation of the fact that my kids have been vaccinated against chicken pox and will never have to worry about shingles. I still have the rash now but it has finally started to scab over and has become less painful. 

We had a perfect day on Sunday. The weather was gorgeous and we spent the whole day picnicking and spending quality time with our families. On Sunday night my allergies were bothering me, Ben's nose had been running all day, but we didn't really think much of either. Ben went on to spike a low fever in the night and got me up every hour. By sunrise on Monday Ben and I were both pretty miserable...and then I got a migraine. I was sick to my stomach, and blinded by pain from any and all light. To top it off my eyes, nose, and throat were on fire. Two nights in a row I didn't sleep more than a few minutes at a time. For the first time ever since becoming a mom I crawled into Matt's office this morning and told him point blank I needed a sick day. I then went back to bed and didn't get back up until almost dinner. 

The good news, the migraine is gone and I was able to get some sleep. The shingles are all flared up at the moment and the allergies are about the same BUT not having the crushing headache is such an improvement. 

In baby related news I did not gain any weight between my 28 and 30 week appointments, all of that walking clearly paying off! The doctor was not as impressed...eh, I'm a new patient, I can see his concern. I am measuring small...just like with Ben...despite the fact that my belly is out of control. He ordered a growth scan for my next appointment which is a week from tomorrow. I am excited to see the baby again! His name is growing on everyone. Not that it is a weird name but I don't think anyone saw it coming. 

As long as I am feeling better soon I will get back on the blogging bandwagon. Like I said I just don't think I have ever been this sick for so long while pregnant. It will all be worth it when baby boy comes home...just 7 more weeks!

Baby #3 - 30 Weeks!

Wednesday, oops (again). 

We finally started a few house projects (Lily's room!) and I have been so excited to get stuff done that this past week just flew by. We are not the warriors we once were...the crazy kids that would paint in to the wee hours of the morning and then decide to change the color...no no those people have been replaced. Now it is all we can do to muster the stamina to change out the ceiling fan all in one sitting. I will give us credit where credit is due, we have gotten a lot done this week considering I am 30 weeks pregnant, we have a 4 and 2 year old under foot, and Matt just started a new full time job. I will post before and after pictures as soon as we are done...(maybe).

I think I will skip the usual format this week and just ramble for awhile until I am done. I don't think that I have a ton to say but who knows.

I have no idea how much I am tipping the scales at these days but I know that I have officially gained as much weight now as I gained in total with Lily. I wouldn't be surprised if this little boy takes after his brother and ends up weighing 8lbs or more. Honestly, I have totally surrendered to the idea of having a third c-section. There is only one scenario under which my new OB has agreed to let me try to do it any other way. To avoid surgery I need to go into labor on my own after 36 but before 39 weeks, I need to progress on my own without pitocin, the baby must be head-down (obviously) and not "sunny side up" (both Lily and Ben were)...no pressure. Since the likelihood of the stars aligning is slim I will just set my sights on 7/21/14, my son's scheduled birthday! I sort of love that each number is a multiple of 7. I should be able to remember it but I'm not making any promises.

In other very exciting news the baby now has a name. We haven't really told anyone, my sister knows, so obviously I am not going to post it here. I will say I chose the middle name and nit picked every first name to the point of utter dismay, so Matt chose the first name. I like it, he loves it, and am thrilled to have made our decision. Naming babies is SO hard!

I am feeling pretty good. Allergies are brutal, even on the Zyrtec. For the first time in years I have actual hives. My body is freaking out. I know it will pass. I have lived through spring many times in fact, but now that the kids are sleeping so much better this assault really feels like a kick in the shin.

Oreos and coffee are proof that there is good in the world.

With less than 9 weeks to go I am both so excited and so not ready to meet this little boy. Despite the fact that this has been by far my most difficult pregnancy both physically and emotionally I still LOVE being pregnant and am not ready to be done (so stay put little one). I am not worried about a single thing, life is relatively easy, and soon I will have a flip flop tan that will hopefully last me until October.

Let's take a look at the bump, whoa.

30(ish) weeks with Lily 

29w5d with Benjamin

and now...

30w2d with baby #3

                     

30(ish) weeks with Lily

29w5d with Benjamin

30w2d with baby #3

Baby #3 - 29 Weeks!

Tuesday...not quite Monday but not as late was Wednesday!

Baby stats: Butternut squash :) Baby now weighs about 2.5 lbs and is 15 inches long. His skeleton is hardening, his brain is growing rapidly, and his nutritional needs are about at their peak.

Bump picture: Very few people I interact with can resist the urge to comment on my belly. I'm not sure if I think that is flattering or not, haha. More than one person has commented that I look like I have a (fill in the blank) ball under my shirt. I appreciate the sentiment, I think it is intended to be a compliment. It is almost big enough to rest a bowl of cereal on...I'd say give it two weeks.

How you doin'?: We are all still adjusting to having Matt home during the day. In some cases obviously it is SO much easier for me but I also like to have a routine and Matt definitely does not. It is great to have him here to help with tasks that are flexible as to when they get done (like yard work) but I am still in charge of just about everything that has to happen at a certain time (like school drop off). Admittedly, we have used the past two weeks to get a lot of stuff done (like car shopping and getting the dog to the groomer) that are not part of our normal routine. I'm not sure we even have a normal routine anymore.

My dad had hip surgery this past week and the kids and I have been his day nurses. It was actually the most adorable thing ever to see my little caretakers dote on their Grampy. When the actual day nurse came they both broke out their stethoscopes and made sure to mimic her every move. They helped with meals and monitored Grampy carefully while he did his exercises.

Allergies have officially hit and I am currently feeling pretty itchy. I am taking Zyrtec for the first time ever while pregnant and while I am not thrilled to be taking any medicine (I haven't taken so much as a Tylenol thus far) I know that I can not handle the alternative. I am hoping that I do not have to take it for long on account of the fact that spring is so late this year. Hopefully all of the trees will bloom all at once and although it will be a hellish two weeks at least it won't last long. Fingers crossed, I guess.

I had a fabulous Mother's Day thanks to my amazing husband who made all of the plans AND did the lions share of the wrangling all day. Almost nothing went as planned but that is a post in itself. Like I said, it was really wonderful.

Aversions/Cravings: Ice coffee (decaf for the most part), fruit, Oreo milkshakes!

Sleeping: So much better! It is unreal how much of a difference moving Ben into a real bed has made. I can't even remember the last time he got me up in the middle of the night. The kids are still getting up too early and running around the house like monkeys. We are working on it.

Movement: For the first time I noticed the baby's hiccups. I am sure he has had them all along but not so much that I have really noticed. Both of my other kids were very hiccup'y' babies. Also his movements are still borderline painful at times. He doesn't kick and punch as much as my other two, he stretches...his whole body. The pressure is intense and I am hoping it is just a phase. I do love feeling him move all day, even if it isn't always comfortable.

Milestones: I have my first Maine OB appointment tomorrow.

I am looking forward to: Getting the nursery ready, sun tanned feet, finally deciding on a new car!

Worries: This has absolutely nothing to do with the baby but my subconscious is totally preoccupied with ticks. I woke up at least three times in the middle of the night convinced I had one crawling on me. We have never lived in the woods and between the dog and the kids I spend half the day checking someone for ticks...more often than not I find at least one. It is gross and sort of scary and I am SO over it. I wouldn't even say I think about it that much during the day but like I said my subconscious is obsessed.

Let's compare: 

For the first time I am taking something for my allergies while pregnant or breastfeeding

Exercising less overall but I would like to think that keeping up with two kids is better than nothing.

Sleeping better than ever!

Best moment of the week: Waking up rested more than once!

Baby #3 - 28 Weeks!

Well hello Wednesday...I have no idea what happened to Monday or Tuesday. That actually isn't true. We had company on Monday night and I drove to MA for a doctor appointment yesterday. In any case, here we are, just a few days late.

Baby stats: About the size of an eggplant, baby boy is 2 1/4lbs. He can now open and close his eyes and will respond to stimuli outside of the womb such as bright lights or loud sounds. I can personally attest to the latter. At my appointment yesterday little man either loved or hated (tough to tell the difference at this point!) the sound of his own heartbeat on the doppler, he moved almost violently every time my OB really locked on to the sound.

Bump picture: It is safe to say that I officially have 'pregnancy hair'. I am not the only person to notice lately that it is fuller, thicker, and super shiny. Lord help me when it all falls out! My weirdo husband also insisted on a cat photobomb...how could I not post that?!?

The baby belly is large and in charge but despite how unflattering these pictures are I felt very light on my feet today. I have gained a few more pounds since my last appointment (which was only 2 weeks ago)...can't seem to rope that in...but I have been more active and eating better SO it is what it is.

How you doin'?:  I got my wish for sunshine which has been greatly appreciated. The kids and I are definitely feeling the start of allergy season but for the time being it isn't too terrible. The sun...ahhh...love it!

Feeling great. As I mentioned last week the kids have been going through a lot of transitions (big boy beds and potty training) and now that Matt is working home we are all working on finding our new groove. On Saturday we had a great little birthday party for Mr. Benjamin. We had company Saturday night and Monday night so the grownups stayed up way too late and the kiddos got up before dawn. Well played children, well played.

I had my glucose test yesterday and much to my dismay the only flavor drink they had was orange. I have now had three different flavors (cola, fruit punch, and orange) and hands down cola is the best, orange is the worst! I actually had a brief moment of feeling like I might not keep it down. In the end I made it through and my blood sugar was 88, the lowest result I've had. I wasn't expecting a negative outcome but it is nice to have confirmation that everything is normal.

Yesterday also marked my last doctor's appointment in MA. I was not scheduled to see the OB who delivered Lily and Ben but after my appointment with the midwife I asked if he was around so that I could say goodbye. It was sad. He was gracious and kind as always. I made one last pitch for him making a 'visit' to Maine in July...can't blame a girl for trying.

Aversions/Cravings: Still can't eat enough red delicious apples. Tonight we had buffalo chicken spinach salad with fresh mozzarella...it was simply delicious.

Sleeping: If it wasn't for Ben and Lily's recent shift to a 5am wake-up call we would all be sleeping great. Since moving Ben to a big boy bed he has not once called out to me in the middle of the night!! I will figure out how to keep them in bed longer...somehow.

Movement: Constant and at times painful. This kid has bony feet and elbows ;)

Milestones: I am definitely third trimester. I had my last MA dr appointment.

I am looking forward to: Meeting my new doctors. I think it will make this move to Maine feel very real!

Worries: This time next week my allergies should be in full force. I also had my first, premature labor thought yesterday while I was driving. Nothing I can do other than pray little boy stays put for at least 8 more weeks.

Let's compare: 

I am going through an uncomfortable phase which I know happened with each of my pregnancies, but I suspect it was further along.

I have gained more weight than either of my pregnancies up to this point. I suspect I will gain the most weight this time around.

Just like Ben this baby kicks/punches my hip bone, which is such a strange sensation!

Best moment of the week: Getting up on Monday morning and realizing that Matt didn't have to leave for the city!

Baby #3 - 27 weeks!

April is such a busy month around here! I have three drafts almost ready to publish (one of which is Ben's birthday letter (Hi buddy, Mommy didn't forget I promise)) but I am already a week behind on my bumpdate and if I don't get this one out today I might as well wait until Monday.

Baby stats: Over the past two weeks the baby has been packing on the pounds. He is up to 2lbs and 14.5 inches long. Developmentally his lungs are getting stronger and his brain is very active now. In theory he is sleeping and waking at regular intervals but given that he kicks me 24 hours a day I am certain that is not true!

Bump picture: The kids had their 2 and 4 year well kid checkups first things this morning...which meant we needed to be up and out of the house for the 90 minute drive to MA by 6:45. I am tired and my hair is frightening, but I happen to be wearing the same shirt as I was in my 25w pic so we might as well compare eh?!

Arg, tough to compare these two pictures since they are taken in 'similar' positions but not the same. I would retake it but I already changed into my jammies! I think I look a little rounder in the second one but that could just be the angle. I like how tall I look in the first one, haha. (Tall is something I am definitely not)

I have been getting a lot more looks and congratulations these last few weeks. We are currently seeking out the 'perfect car' (we are taking suggestions!) for a family of 5 with room for three car seats, and the baby bump has been a hot topic at the dealerships...apparently people think it is funny to see a pregnant gal climb around in the back of an SUV. I have officially gained 20lbs already (yikes!) but I am the first to admit that this factoid will surprise no one.

How you doin'?:  I am not one to complain about the weather. I do not torture myself by looking up the temps in places like Florida or Texas. I take what we are given and dress accordingly...BUT what the heck is going on with this never-ending-winter-freezing-spring-raining-again-today nightmare?!?!? I was so happy a few weeks ago when the sun was shining and temps were in the mid 50s, now those days seem like a distant memory. Bottom line I would really appreciate some sunshine. Please and thank you!

Other than the weather blues I am feeling good. Tired as usual, but pregnancy symptoms are still very minimal. One super strange thing that has been happening...lightning like pains in my feet when I step down from more than a few inches. I described it to my husband as "that feeling you got when you were a kid and you jumped off from something too tall barefoot." Whether or not he really knew what I was talking about, he said he did :) It just hurts and climbing in and out of SUVs really triggered it the other day. I'm sure it is nothing serious but it is a new one.

I told my OB that I would not be booking any more appointments at the practice after my glucose test next week. And promptly burst in to tears. (Side note: I also told the kids pediatrician today that we would not be back and also cried). I have been so fortunate to have such caring, well informed, supportive professionals take care of me and my babies for the past four years. Not just any four years either when you think about the fact that when I met each of them I was not a mom yet! The next set of docs have some pretty big shoes to fill.

In other other not related to the pregnancy per se news, Ben turned 2 yesterday. Holy wow.

Aversions/Cravings: Want to listen to me talk about how amazing food is, no? Seriously, all food is so good but my new favorite is red delicious apples. I have never liked sweet apples, ever, but now I can't stop myself from buying a whole bag every time I set foot (I typed FOOD instead of foot, I have a problem) in the store.

Sleeping: For the past few weeks Lily has been wearing undies to bed. For the past few weeks Lily has been wetting the bed (sometimes more than once) almost every night. For the past few weeks...you get the pictures. I obviously hate sleep. Why else would I potty train my daughter, ever. Also we are going to have to get rid of Ben's paci sooner rather than later. Further proof the I obviously hate sleep.

Movement: Constant. Strong kicks and jabs all day. I think in the last few days the baby has rotated to a slightly more head down position which feels a lot more comfortable for both of us, if I do say so myself.

Milestones: I had my first stranger belly touch last weekend, haha. (And then a second one today by a 80 year old man at CVS) I actually don't really mind but I do think it is nuts that a stranger would think it was okay to reach out an touch my belly.

I'm not sure when third trimester officially starts...maybe I am already there??

I am looking forward to: Still feeling the nursery itch. Matt starts working from home full time next week! Watch out house projects I am coming for you. I would like to name my son, have I mentioned?!?

Worries: I am dragging my feet to find a new OB. I am worried that we don't really have time to have much of a relationship before the baby comes. Nothing I can do about that at this point, and when push comes to shove I'm not sure how much I really care. As long I go home with a healthy baby boy everything else is just details.

My wedding rings are getting a little tight...seems early for that nonsense! I did stop wearing them with each of my other pregnancies but much closer to delivery.

Let's compare: 

Carrying very similar to Ben, just bigger.

Almost no painful/negative pregnancy symptoms, like Lily.

Best moment of the week: Lots of highs and lows with the kids and their ever changing moods this past 10 days. I think the best moment was when I let Lily sleep in my bed last Thursday and just before she fell asleep she said, "I love you mommy, I love you baby." Since then I have noticed that she says I love you to the baby at least once a day. That kind of pure sweetest almost makes up for the 30 times per day that I think about locking myself in the bathroom to get away from her :)

Baby #3 - 25 Weeks!

I managed to blog about a few things this past week! This week's goal is to blog about how my kids ruined my birthday again this year (oh how I wish I was kidding) and to start the house tour posts...stay tuned.

Baby stats: This week the baby is 13.5 inches long and weighs about a pound and a half. He is starting to pack on that baby chub that we all love so much. My expectations for a chunky baby are pretty low, Lily was tiny and although Ben was 8lbs he was never "rollie". The baby is also growing hair and if he is like his siblings will be born with a whole head of dark (almost black) hair...that will all fall out, haha.

Bump picture: I got up early, showered, and did my hair/makeup all so that Lily and I could drive to MA for our doctor appointments and go out to lunch together...and then she threw up her breakfast...so we canceled.

I failed pretty miserably at eating any better this week but I was a lot more active so that should count for something. The weather here was finally nice enough to go for walks, rake, do yard work, and run around with the kids. It felt amazing!

How you doin'?: Considering the one thing I was looking forward to the most last week was having the kids sleep at Mimi's so that I could finally get an uninterrupted night's sleep TOTALLY DID NOT HAPPEN, I am in pretty good spirits today. I really think it is the sunshine. Rumor has it was are in for cold weather later this week so I am trying to just get an much joy out of the warm weather as I possibly can. The kids managed to eat a little dinner tonight so I am hoping the worst is once again behind us and I can start to catch up on sleep. And no, I did not type that sentence with a straight face.

As I mentioned Lily and I were supposed to head to our respective doctors in MA this morning. I really need to figure out our new medical insurance plan so that we can all get providers in ME. It really isn't that big of a deal. I have no illusions of having a close relationship with the doc who delivers this baby...MY obstetrician is in MA and he already told me he can't come to Maine ;). That being said I do need to switch doctors, I think I start biweekly appointments soon (??).

Aversions/Cravings: Trying not to obsess over every single thing I eat that I probably shouldn't, it just isn't worth feeling guilty over. I have been craving fish tacos and I think I might actually die if we don't go out to dinner soon! I've also been craving buffalo sauce and blue cheese dressing. OMG when did food become so delicious?!?

Sleeping: ...not yet

Movement: We have officially reached the "whoa, did you see that?!?" stage of baby kicks. Lily was completely freaked out as she watched my belly jump and wiggle. She asked me repeatedly why the baby was kicking me and if it was hurting me. No matter how many times I assured her that the baby was not doing it on purpose and no it was not hurting me, she was not having any of it.

Milestones: None that I can think of, I will officially be 33 when this baby is born.

I am looking forward to: I am itching to start the nursery and I just don't think I can wait until Matt leaves his current job. I joked a few weeks ago that he might come home one day to find that I had painted both kid's rooms...we'll see if I was joking! We tried to narrow down the name list this weekend to no avail...I would really like to chose something soon!

Worries: No worries, feeling pretty great despite the exhaustion.

Let's compare: 

I forgot to mention that the heartburn has returned. I had it terrible with Ben and Lily but not until I was much closer to delivery!

Definitely going to gain more weight overall this time around.

This baby is most active at night, just like his brother. Really hoping it is not a sign of terrible things to come.

Best moment of the week: Saturday could not have been a nicer day. The sun was shining, the breeze was warm, my mom and dad brought pastries and Italian sandwhiches (not the kind you are most likely thinking of with all the meat...we do them completely differently in Maine) over for my birthday, the kids were barefoot and smiley. Right up until Ben threw up on the living room floor it had all the makings of a perfect day :)

Baby #3 and other ramblings ...24 weeks!

Yet another week slipped by and I failed (FAILED MISERABLY) to blog about anything. Lily turned FOUR last Thursday and my heart was broken into a million itty bitty pieces. Don't get me wrong we had an amazing time celebrating her and I couldn't be more proud of that little person, but I am pregnant and hormonal and my baby turned four...I mean really, in what universe is that fair?!

I do have a post dedicated to my coo coo girl, her four year interview, and some before and after pictures of the new haircut I gave her today, all ready to post! In my defense I would have gotten more blogging done this week but we have all been so off our routine for some reason and then tonight just before dinner Ben barfed all over the floor...with zero warning. He doesn't have a fever and wasn't really acting sick so my fingers are officially crossed that it was just a fluke. That is a thing right, fluke toddler barf?? Lily has only ever thrown up when she was super sick so this is a new one for me.

In other non related to the baby news...we spent a small fortune to fix our road this week after it became so muddy that we were literally trapped at the house several days last week. The joys of new home (in the woods) ownership! Matt officially gave his notice and as of the first full week of May will be once again working from home full time. FULL TIME! We are so blessed. That being said, if Ben doesn't stop sleeping like a newborn no amount of Daddy being at home is going to preserve my mental stability.

Now on to the baby!

Baby stats: This week the baby is about a foot long (anyone else hear "five dollar", just me??) and weighs about 1 1/3 pounds. He has gained about 4 oz since last week whereas his mama has gained 40 lbs. Okay not 40, but too many. He is working hard on developing his lungs and taste buds. If born premature his chances of survival increase exponentially from here on out, for many doctors 24 weeks is considered viability day!

Bump picture: I am gigantic, it's okay...you can just say it, everyone else has.

24 weeks - taken Monday

24 weeks (give or take a day) with Ben

Not at all psyched about the whole "gaining weight in my legs and butt" aspect of this pregnancy. That being said I am not complaining, it is my own 'fault'. I desperately need to get back on the daily exercise wagon but with everything we have had going on at the house and this ENDLESS winter it has been hard to make time and get outside. This week it is supposed to get above 50 several times so there is hope for us all!

How you doin'?: I hate to even say the word 'tired' again but there it is (again). No matter what I do, something will happen in the night to keep me from getting an uninterrupted night's sleep. Ben WILL wake up and call to me for over an hour (very rarely do I go to him), the cat WILL scratch every door and cabinet in the whole house, the dog WILL pace at the foot of the bed, ice WILL fall off the roof and scare the entire family to death...you know, the usual. We are sending the kids to Mimi's for a sleepover on Saturday night (for my birthday) and you had better believe I am going to try and get twelve hours of sleep.

Still riding the pregnancy hormone train like never before. My poor husband bears the brunt of my sour attitude but the kids aren't always spared. Almost immediately upon snapping or yelling I apologize but I would rather the urge to eat my own young didn't surface in the first place.

Aversions/Cravings: I have been having eating remorse this past week. The kids have been inundated with sweets in the wake of birthday after birthday (not to mention 4 more to come, PLUS Easter) and I have been feeling very guilty about their sweets consumption...and by extension mine. I don't even really like sweets, I would much rather have chips or cheese. In either case we all have to eat better.

Sleeping: ...nope.

Movement: Baby boy is still a mover and shaker. I love it all. A few times a day he will get me really hard and catch me off guard which usually gets a laugh out of the kids.

Milestones: Viability day!

I am looking forward to: S-P-R-I-N-G! Someday deciding on a name for the baby would be nice.

Worries: No worries, too tired to worry.

Let's compare: 

There is no way I was this tired with either of my previous pregnancies. No matter what I thought or said at the time...I didn't even know what tired was back then.

I am huge. Just huge. I didn't take many belly pictures with Lily...it was my pre blogging days, haha. But I was tiny. Now even comparing this belly to Ben is funny to me. I'm sure I thought I was big with him too.

Best moment of the week: Lily slept through the night twice without wetting the bed, but sadly hasn't done it since. Both kids let me take a much needed nap yesterday which was pretty great. Lily turned four but like I said that was bittersweet. Matt giving his notice was probably the biggest highlight!

Baby #3 - 22 weeks!

Remember when my blog used to be more than bump updates? Me neither. On the plus side I am succeeding beautifully in documenting the crap out of this pregnancy. This is going to be a short one.

Baby stats: This week the baby is about 11 inches long and (finally) weighs about a pound! According to babycenter, baby has been working hard on developing her pancreas this week...so that is a relief, haha.

Bump picture: I got my hair cut. It is short and easy and with the exception of today when it was ridiculously dry, it has been pretty easy to maintain.

Again this week, no complaints about the old bump-a-roo. I am feeling LARGE all of the sudden. Matt worked in the city Wednesday through Friday this past week and when he got home on Friday afternoon even he said, "Whoa, when did that happen??"

How you doin'?: Great. Still waking up tired which is the pits but otherwise feeling good. My sister is here this week for a visit! Not only do I have an extra set of hands this week, I also get to laugh a lot with my best friend. We are having a great time hanging out with the kids, lounging on the couch watching TV, running errands, and just goofing around. Lily's birthday party is on Saturday so we have a bunch of party related things to do this week. Oh and there is the tiny matter of THE GENDER REVEAL! Getting so close now! Kate has done a great job keeping the secret so far. All that's left is setting up the surprise for the kids (and us of course).

Aversions/Cravings: Food, food, food. Give me all of the food in the universe. I will eat it.

Sleeping: I started sleeping with a king size pillow lengthwise down the middle of the bed. While it may not be the most romantic gesture ever, it does keep me from rolling into the middle of the bed and cursing my husband all night long...so in the end it really is in his best interest.

Movement: Kicks and wiggles all day long. Can't even tell you how much I love this stage of pregnancy. There was a moment in the grocery store when the baby rolled and all of my organs felt like they had been thrust into my throat that I could have done without. For the most part...bring it on baby!

Milestones: Nothing comes to mind this week. I survived my dentist appointment, does that count?

I am looking forward to: BOY OR GIRL !?!?! Saturday is the big day!

Worries: Sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows...no worrying this week.

Let's compare: 

I think this, and the next few weeks, have been the sweet spot for each of my pregnancies. Not too big to enjoy running around with the kids but big enough that people have started to notice AND I can feel the baby moving all day. Sweet spot for sure.

Best moment of the week: Waking up in the night to baby kicks as opposed to toddler screaming. Don't get me wrong, there is still toddler screaming, but at least a few times it was the kicks that woke me.

Baby #3 - 21 Weeks!

Baby stats: This week the baby weighs about 3/4 of a lb and is approximately 10.5 inches long from head to toe. The fact that the baby is still less than a pound is sort of confounding considering how much weight I have gained! She now has eyelids and eyebrows :)

Bump picture: What do you know...late night tired momma...again.

I really can't complain about the bump. I love 'looking pregnant'. I am carrying high and despite the fact that I am definitely putting on weight in places other than my belly I feel good when I look in the mirror. If this is my last pregnancy I would like to embrace the fact that I will probably be bigger in the end with this baby than I was with my other two. The weight will eventually come off and for the first time in my life I sort of get what all the fuss is about when it comes to food. Over the next few months I fully intend to eat whatever I want!

How you doin'?: I will start with the best news of the week. I got my quad screen results back everything looks great. All of our risk factors are very low and I do not have elevated AFP!

Now on to other much less important news. I am ridiculously tired...and super frustrated about being so tired. This past week there was not a single day that I didn't want to take a nap. I get it, during the first trimester when morning sickness is kicking your butt, you're tired. I get it, during the third trimester when your body is no longer your own and sleeping through the night is virtually impossible, you're tired. BUT this is the glorious second trimester and I am not supposed to be this tired. I am not sleeping great at night, as I mentioned I hate our mattress, but I am sleeping okay. In fact the past few nights I have slept through the night without getting up. For some reason though as soon as 2:30pm rolls around I crash...just in time for the kids to get up from nap. I am not a good napper. I sleep too heavily, for too long, and wake up feeling hungover. I don't have a solution and I promise I will stop whining about it. Being tired just makes everything harder and I am already freaking out a little this if this baby isn't a good sleeper I will have to be institutionalized. For. Real.

Aside from the insanely tired feeling, I feel great. No aches and pains. I had a little heartburn this past week but that is to be expected when you put spicy mustard on your breakfast cereal. (No I haven't actually done that, yet)

Aversions/Cravings: Same. I am currently contemplating making some extra spicy guac...if only we weren't out of chips.

Sleeping: See above. Sleeping pretty good at night. Not getting up to pee. Waking up wishing I could stay in bed for two more hours anyway.

Movement: This past week was officially the start of consistent movement. For the most part if I want to feel the baby move all I have to do lay down and wait. Like with Ben I also feel a lot of movement when I ride in the car.

Milestones: I had my first stranger comment today at the mall. A woman in the food court (yes my kids and I ate junk food for lunch today...see above about weight gain!) told me the kids are beautiful and I thanked her. She then said, "And I see more congratulations are in order!" I must have smiled extra big because she laughed and said, "I'm glad to see you are still smiling." Should I be worried?!?

I am looking forward to: I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning...I will be happy when it is over, haha. Babywise I am really looking forward to all of the kicks and jabs. Feeling the baby dancing around in my belly is something I really want to lock away in my memory forever.

Worries: That I will never feel rested again. I have also started to really think about how a baby will change the dynamic of our family. There is a longer post here (I know...add it to the queue lady). Let's be honest, kids change from week to week (ahem minute to minute) and Ben and Lily will not be the same kids they are now by July. There are some fundamental things about their personalities that won't change. I am a little worried that Ben is going to be super jealous of the baby whereas Lily will only give me the time of day when she needs something. Only time will tell and like I said, I have more to say on the topic.

Also if this baby is a boy it could be awhile before we chose a name. Lily likes Bob.

Let's compare: 

This baby has given new meaning to the word 'craving'.

I have far fewer day to day symptoms this time around than with either of my previous pregnancies.

Both Ben and this baby love to kick and wiggle when I am in the car.

I am carrying high, per usual.

Quad screen is clear, just like Ben's. Praise God.

Best moment of the week: Getting my results was a huge weight off. Non-baby related I had company both Saturday and Sunday.  While it is fun to show my friends the house, it just filled up my heart to spend a few hours with two of my closest friends and their kids. Lucky for me both of these amazing ladies have ties to Maine so visits to their own families, as well as mine, will be part of their lives for a long time. It is going to be hard to make new friends when the ones I have already have are so perfect...if only I could convince them to move!

I really do have several nearly completed posts in the queue, none of which are bump related, I promise!

Baby #3 - Half Baked

20 weeks! Such a fun milestone, we've come so far and at the same time have so much farther to go!

Baby stats: This week the baby weighs about 10.5oz. and is approximately 10 inches long from head to toe. She is practicing swallowing and her body is now producing the tar we all know and love...meconium!

Bump picture: I got all dolled up yesterday (I blew dry my hair and put on makeup) to go out to lunch with my husband, my sister in law, and her boyfriend...but of course I didn't think to take a picture then. So for the 9th consecutive week you get a 10pm tired mama bump pic. Oh well.

For some reason with this pregnancy I really have absolutely no perception of just how pregnant I look. Several of my family members have indicated that I am, in fact, a planetary body. At the same time the teachers at Lily's school claim to not have noticed that I was even expecting. I really don't feel all that big, but I do think I am a little bigger than I was with Ben. (It is hard to tell from this picture because of the scarf)

20w with Benjamin

How you doin'?: This past week was similar to last, full of unpacking and juggling two kids who are way off their "normal" routine. We are all happily settling in to the new house (posts to come I promise) but we are all t-i-r-e-d. Ben has been taking 2.5 hour naps every day, which is at least an hour longer than his usual. Neither of the kids even noticed daylight savings time with the exception of the fact that Lily has asked us twice why we are eating dinner during the day. I have been hopelessly tired in the afternoon the past few days which is frustrating because Matt has been home and I would love to use the kid's nap time to be super productive.

Other than the afternoon crash I have been feeling great. No aches or pains. No headaches or heartburn.

Aversions/Cravings: Spicy, spicy, spicy. This baby brought to you by tacos and guacamole. It has been so long since I haven't wanted to eat the entire contents of the grocery store I can't even imagine what an aversion feels like anymore. I wish I craved high iron foods, I eat them, but I do not pine for them.

Sleeping: We are officially back to the mattress we bought in August and I officially still hate it. I have never regretted a purchase more in my life. I really think that at some point we are going to have to just admit that it is terrible and buy a new one, but man that is going to sting. In any case I spend half the night climbing my side of the mattress to escape the trench created by husband sleeping blissfully next to me. Maybe we could buy a mattress topper or something. I can only imagine that the more the belly grows the more uncomfortable I am going to think our bed is. I could always sleep in the guest room if things get desperate.

Movement: Finally much to my adoration the baby's movements are becoming more consistent throughout the day. There are definitely specific times of day (meal time!) and specific positions that get this little bean jumping. Matt finally felt a few tiny kicks this morning!

Milestones: Half way! Matt getting to feel kicks from the outside!

What I am looking forward to: I am officially dying to know the baby's gender. My dad and my sister both know but neither of them are giving up the secret. (I am still thinking boy but only because I am not positive it is a girl) We are definitely doing the gender reveal at Lily's birthday party on March 29th...three more weeks!

Worries: I get my quad screen results in a few days but I have hardly even thought about the results since last week. I have a dentist appointment coming up, not at all baby related, but I still don't want to go.

Let's compare: 

It was before Christmas when I was half baked with my other two. I am already finding it really strange that this baby will not (God willing) be born in the spring.

Definitely more tired overall but having so few 'pregnancy symptoms' that some days I forget for hours at a time that I am expecting.

Movement was more consistent earlier with both Lily and Ben...this baby is clearly going to be super laid back, right?  Haha!

Best moment of the week: Every single day waking up in this house is the best moment of the week. Matt getting to feel the baby was pretty great too. 

Baby #3 and PTSD

There are SO many joyful things happening in our lives right now. Like with anything else however when I have a bummer of a post brewing I can't write about those happy things until I get this off my chest.

My appointment last week got off on the wrong foot when the office called me at 9:05 to inform me that my ultrasound had been canceled. Since I was schedule to have my blood work and u/s done in conjunction for the quad screen without the u/s there was no reason to drive all the way to MA, yet there I was, over half way there. I was so irritated. I know that this is going to sound bratty, but they know I am driving from almost 2 hours away and I am sure they could have bumped someone else. Selfish, totally. I know it is my choice to drive from so far away but in four years of being their patient I have never once rescheduled or failed to show up for an appointment. In the end the sonographer agreed to see me during her lunch break (which I was very grateful for). As a result instead of having my u/s and then my ob appointment I had my appointments the other way around. I called Matt, who had been following me in his own car, and told him to just go to work. We agreed that he could just meet me for the u/s at 12:30.

Seeing the midwife first meant that I had not seen the baby or heard the heartbeat in the office since I was 12 weeks. We made our usual chit chat and I met her new student. As the midwife entered some data into the computer her student measured my belly and got the doppler ready to listen to the baby. I was lamenting that I have not been able to feel the baby as much as I would like as the student started looking for the baby's heartbeat. It was taking her a long time, too long. I started to feel the panic rising up in my chest. I took a few ragged breaths and then told the midwife I couldn't handle it any more and I wanted her to take over. She got up from the computer and took the doppler...and there was nothing. She locked in on my heart rate which was way too high and then started searching for the baby again. There was just nothing. No matter where she moved the probe she could not hear that baby.

I had a panic attack.

I couldn't breath, I started shaking, and I was talking but wasn't making any sense. I felt like I was drowning. Tears started rolling down my cheeks, big uncontrollable tears. The midwife tried to assure me that sometimes dopplers don't work but I was already in a panic spiral. I think what I said was, "No, I cannot do this again. I cannot find out like this. I cannot be here alone. I need to call Matt." I grabbed my bag and walked out of the exam room. I did not call Matt. I went in the bathroom and cried into my coat. After a minute or so I started to feel like I could breathe and I pulled myself together. I went back out to the waiting room and texted Matt, as casually as I could, that I was about to go into u/s and I really wanted him to get there asap.

The u/s tech came out and called my name about five minutes later but Matt was still a few minutes away. Before she had even closed the door I told the tech what had happened and without even skipping a beat she had that probe on the baby's heart before I could even lay all the way down. The baby was fine. I started to cry again and then she suggested that I use the bathroom (which I was dying to do!) and we could get started when Matt arrived. I thanked her no less than 10 times for being so kind and understanding (and for giving up her lunch break). She had just gotten started when the receptionist brought Matt in. I downplayed what had happened but I am sure he saw right through me. We held hands and oooh and awed over the baby for the next 20 minutes. I just couldn't shake what had happened though and it was hard for me to fully enjoy the appointment.

If nothing else, my reaction to not hearing the baby made me sad. Sad for myself. Sad that I am forever scarred by what has happened to me. I met with the midwife in her office after my u/s. She thinks I have PTSD. Honestly a few weeks ago I would have said that is ridiculous. Of course I am sad about my losses and of course as a result I am more anxious about my pregnancies. I really would have said that my grieving was healthy and that for the most part I had put my losses behind me. And then I had a full blown panic attack because of a doppler check. All logic went out the window. I had just heard the baby on my own doppler the night before and I had felt some tiny movements on the drive down. In that moment neither of those two things mattered. I know that plenty of expectant mothers are nervous during their appointments but my reaction/actions in that exam room surprised and scared me. I had no idea that those feelings were even there.

I don't know a lot about PTSD but from what I have read it does not accurately describe my day to day life. I am not paralyzed by fear that there is something wrong with this baby. I am not excessively anxious (though I do frequently admit to having some anxiety). It was just in that moment that I couldn't separate what had happened in the past from this pregnancy.

I don't have a neat and tidy way to wrap up this post. I had a panic attack and it scared me. The baby looked great and I haven't used my doppler since last week. I am happy and excited to be in my new house and I can't wait to share those details here. But, I had to write about what happened. It was eating at me. I am feeling slightly embarrassed to go back to the office in a few weeks but there is nothing I can do to change the way I reacted. All I can do is learn from what happened and if at all possible use that information to handle the situation better in the future. God willing something like that will never happen again.