Preschool gives me hives

Just when you were thinking that maybe, just maybe, we were all grown up and gone forever.

After nearly three months without blogging a single sentence I am officially back on the wagon. We have had a crazy summer full of high highs and heartbreaking lows. I promise to do my very best to catch everyone up as soon as I figure out the best way to do it. I can't decide whether to do a series of short posts or a few very long ones. AND I have not forgotten that there are some very important things that happened this spring that I have still yet to type out. Just like raising a family this space is always a work in progress and I appreciate my loyal friends and readers who have gently reminded me over the past few weeks that I am missed and that I had better start posting pictures of my kids again, or else.

I want this post to be sweet and funny...but mostly I just want to not throw up.

Lily starts preschool tomorrow. I am simultaneously excited and devastated. Here is the thing about sending my first born off to school. Up until now I have been Lily's whole world. I am her best friend. I know all of her stories, I can finish her sentences, and I recite every episode of Octonauts...all while throwing mommy doll off the roof. I have been here. To make every snack and kiss every boo boo. To read every book and sing every song.

Now there will be new songs, and I will not know the words.

Soon she will come home bursting to tell me all about firetrucks, or butterflies, or calculus and it will all be new to me. Especially the calculus. I will not know who she sat next to at snack when she inevitably forgets and asks me their name. I will not know how many times she went down the slide, or if she was chosen to feed the fish or pick up the blocks. Everything will be new and exciting to her, and of course I will be excited too...but for this little girl's mommy all of this "new" is bittersweet.

This is the start of Lily becoming her own person. I have spent three years basking in the amazing spirit that she is when she is with me, in our comfy bubble. Now it is time to send her out in to the world and I am not ready to share. The outside world will change her for the better...and for the worse. I know it is only preschool but this is it, her first big step...away from me.

Don't get me wrong, I know in my heart that school will be great for her. I would not send her if I felt otherwise, not all three year olds need to go to school and I will be making this decision on a kid by kid basis! But Lily? Lily, our girl who spoke in full sentences at 18 months, potty trained herself at two and a half, and just informed me yesterday that when she grows up she will take her coffee with cream and sugar, is ready.

In fifteen years when she reads excerpts from this blog there are a few things I want her to know:
(Lily this list is for you.)

1. I will always be here.

I promise to try my very hardest to always be here when you get home from school. There is nothing more important to me than hearing all about your day. Please don't leave out any details! I want to know whether or not you ate the lunch I packed, I want to know how many times you can jump rope, I want to know the names of all your friends, and what you learned in science class. I want you to know that there isn't anything you can't tell me.

2. I am your number one fan.

Every child deserves to feel that they are unconditionally loved, and you are no exception. I will proudly display your arts and crafts, applaud loudly at your band concerts, stand in the rain on the side of some field, and unabashedly brag about you to all of my friends. I believe in you with my whole heart.

3. Love learning

There are so many amazing things to learn in life. Explore, read, create, listen. Yes, school is a lot of work. No, you are not always going to love the assignments you are given or the topics you are expected to cover. That being said, going to school and learning all that you can is one of life's greatest privileges.Your dad and I can only barely scratch the surface when it comes to teaching you. Teachers are passionate about their jobs but you have to be an active participant in your own education. Be passionate about learning.

We will get in to the kind of person I hope you will become in future posts. For now just know that I expect you to be a good listener, use your manners, and for heavens sake don't wait if you have to use the potty!

This is your fair warning world, Lily is about to take over. Meanwhile if you need me tomorrow I will be crying in my car from 9:01 until 12:16pm.