If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart.

Benjamin Daniel 

Born April 30th, 2012 at 11:34am

Weight: 8lbs 5oz

Length: 20 in

Perfect in every way. 

I will, of course, type up and post Ben's birth story but for now a picture summary will have to do. I doubt I will get too many complaints. (Side note: This is my 100th post, which I thought was pretty cool)

One last update

My OB had me go in for an u/s and the great news is that baby is healthy...completely out of room, but happy as can be. Another plus, my fluid levels are great. The only down side is that he is "sunny side up" (face up). As a result the back of his head and shoulders are pressing on my cervix (which I knew because holy hell does it hurt if I get up too fast). My OB thinks the reason my cervix is not dilating, despite frequent contractions over the last week, has to do with how much pressure my 9lb baby is putting on the opening. Some pressure good, too much pressure and the cervix can't open.

Long story short he doesn't think I will be going into labor on my own by Monday. Of course anything can happen but most likely I will be having a c-section on the 30th. If I do go into labor this weekend, given baby's positioning, it is likely that I will need a c-section anyway. The u/s tech estimated that he weighs between 8.5-9 lbs. 

While I am certainly a little sad to have my VBAC chances diminished, I have nothing in the world to feel "sorry" about, I am going to hold my baby in my arms on Monday!!! 

Now I just have to find a way to occupy myself until then :)  

Caged animal

I literally can NOT believe I am still pregnant. I mean that not as a complaint, simply a statement of fact.

Every five minutes I look down at my belly and yell, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!?" - Okay maybe I don't actually yell, or maybe I do.

When I was pregnant with Lily I had absolutely no "early labor" signs. I was also working full time and trying my damnedest to work right up until my due date. Lily was born at 40w6d, only after I was induced for low fluid the day before. In other words, she wasn't going anywhere on her own. This time around I have been having these phantom labor signs for 10 days. On three separate occasions in the last 5 days I have had contractions 10 minutes a part for an hour, only to have them stop completely. Of course two of those occasions were in the middle of the night. Anyone care to guess how much Lily cares that mommy didn't sleep the night before? Ha. Point being, it is starting to mess with my head.

I like being pregnant and if I didn't feel like I was on a slow death march to my scheduled c-section I would happily carry the baby well into next week. But I do have a deadline and I am starting to feel like I am running out of time. Adding to the caged feeling, every tree in my neighborhood is trying to kill me in full bloom. It is commonly known by my friends and family that my allergies are no joke. During my allergy test a few years ago the nurse thought she was going to have to send me to the ER in an ambulance when my arm blew up to three times its normal size after she administered the prick test. Instead, I passed out and was given a cortisone shot intended for someone twice my size...and then I threw up! Maple, Oak and Pine are my big three. I tried to go outside with Lily this morning for some play time, but after only 20 minutes my mouth, nose, and eyes were on FIRE. A few minutes later I started to wheeze (which scared the bejesus out of me) and we came running back inside. I spent the next hour in absolute misery. Sufficed to say the house is now on lock down and all windows and doors are to remain closed until further notice. I bet you are dying to come over for a visit! I am most disappointed that we won't be able to go for any more long walks. As much as my feet and hips were killing me, I felt like I was at least doing something to help move things along. Plus it gave me something to do. I suppose we could go and walk the mall, barf.

I am so bored, so very bored. I told Matt today that if I refresh my facebook feed one more time today... they are going to revoke my account. The house is clean. The laundry is washed, folded and put away. The grocery shopping is done. The bags are packed. WHAT IS THIS KID WAITING FOR?!?

My sister gets in tonight, here's hoping!!

My toddler is taking advantage of me!

I really have nothing new to report. A full week has gone by and there is no indication whatsoever that this baby is any closer to being born. I have been having contractions on and off so hopefully I am making progress but won't know anything until my weekly appointment on Thursday. For the record I am still confident that I can and will VBAC this kid if I go into labor on my own.

Like I said last week, clearly my will has nothing to do with getting this show on the road. I am still feeling pretty good overall. It is officially allergy season thanks to the unseasonably high temps this week and we have all been bracing ourselves. Today is the first day that I have really started to have symptoms, another reason I am really anxious to get this show on the road. I am a little swollen but suspect that my blood pressure is still well within the normal range. My feet hurt, but that has more to do with all the walking (coupled with the fact that I have been wearing flip flops) than anything baby related. If I had one real complaint it would be that I am not sleeping. I get up every few hours to pee, which after 6 months or longer, you do sort of get used to. But for the past week even when I am asleep my mind is so active that I don't feel like I am getting any rest. Last night I could have sworn I was awake, consciously thinking about the baby's delivery, but when I looked at the clock several hours had gone by...at least part of that time I must have been "asleep". It would be really great if I could just turn it all off and really sleep, but with less than two weeks until my scheduled surgery I really don't see that happening.

Aside from thinking about the baby all.the.time. things around the house are same old, with maybe a few slight exceptions...which brings me to the title of this post.

Lily is smart and I am very much afraid of what that means for Dingle and I down the road. Seriously. There is no way that she understands what is about to happen to our family of three. Yes, she knows what a baby is, but there is no way she understands what it means to have the baby come and live here...I am not even sure Dingle and I know what it means to have another tiny person come and live with us. All that being said, she knows something is up and she is taking full advantage. As I just mentioned, I am tired and I just don't have it in me to be the consistent "setter-of-limits" that I normally am. It has taken Lily approximately one day to recognize that: tired mommy + the art of charm = getting exactly what she wants.

Neither Matt nor I ever give in to her when she is raging like a maniac, and trust me she can rage with the best of them. But this new found manipulation is almost worse. She is just so damn sweet! Today I let her watch two full episodes of Curious George (watch out Elmo the monkey is taking over) because she batted her eyelashes and there was cuddling. After our walk today she kept insisting that she was not hungry for lunch until I offered to let her sit in a little chair at the coffee table. And wouldn't you know it she was charming and sweet and ate everything on her plate. I am more than a little worried about the precedents being set, but honestly, am I going to fight with her about where to eat dinner later?

...nope, not even for a minute... as long as there is cuddling.

Full Term - A ticking time bomb!

37 weeks  4/8/12

Here we are ladies and gentlemen, baby boy is officially full term. 

At my appointment last week I got a bit of discouraging news. Baby boy is still measuring big, really big, like 96th percentile big. At 36w3d he was measuring 7lbs 9oz, accounting for error of +/-7oz he is already over 7lbs. For the first time this entire pregnancy my OB seemed skeptical that I will be able to VBAC. Because my previous c-section with Lily was not the result of stalled labor she has been confident all along that I would be able to avoid surgery this time. Due to the baby's measurements she is not thrilled about allowing me to postpone a c-section past 39 weeks. For those of you doing the math, that is two weeks from yesterday. She went so far as to offer to book the surgery for 38 weeks if I wanted to just be done with this whole pregnancy thing. I have to admit, it would definitely be tempting IF every fiber of my being wasn't telling me that a second surgery is not the way to go. We want to have more kids and it is pretty much universal consensus at my practice that 3 c-sections is the absolute limit, and that is under the best case circumstances.  

As of right now there are a few things that we know. First, because I had a c-section they will not use any drugs to induce labor this time. Once I am in active labor they will consider giving me pitocin to move things along if otherwise things are looking good for me and the baby. Second, my OB filed the paperwork for my c-section, I just got the call (literally just this minute) from the booking coordinator at the hospital!

 :::takes several deep breaths:::

I was able to postpone the surgery until the 30th!! Not only does that give me the best chance of going into labor on my own but it is also with the same OBGYN who delivered Lily (he also did the second surgery after my miscarriage last year), which just makes me feel AMAZING. I have total confidence in him and trust that he will take excellent care of me and the baby. We'll see how my OB feels about my decision when I see her on Wednesday (gulp). I have a feeling she isn't going to be too thrilled. 

So we are left with three possible scenarios:

1. I go into labor on my own and successfully deliver the baby before my scheduled c-section date. (If he really is a monster it stands to reason he will want out sooner rather than later...right?) 

2. I go into labor on my own but complications arise (i.e. he is a monster and I physically can't deliver him) and I end up needing a c-section. 

3. I do not go into labor on my own and the baby is delivered via scheduled c-section on April 30th. 

If it is possible to will this baby/my body to cooperate everyone should expect a birth announcement in the next ten days! Unfortunately, I don't think that my will has very much to do with how this will all play out. Once I am in labor I will definitely stick to my guns and hold out as long as is safe for me and the baby, that much I can control. What I can't control is the whole going into labor thing! Let's face it, if there were a sure fire "home remedy" for inducing labor everyone would do it. I am not above trying the old wives tales within reason. But I can tell you right now I am not about to ingest anything intended to "stimulate my digestive system". Yuck. 

So place your bets...date/weight! 

35/35

Today I am 35 weeks pregnant and have 35 days until my due date, pretty cool milestone eh?

Overall I am feeling pretty great. I have gained just over 20lbs and can't get enough of my OB telling me I am "all baby". I start my weekly appointments this week, which can only mean one thing. I am going to have to give birth to this baby! Cue minor panic attack.

I remember coming to this realization when I was pregnant with Lily too. It may sound funny to someone who has never been pregnant, of course I am going to have to give birth to the baby, duh! But I am sure that my mommy readers are shaking their heads right now, remembering the moment when they realized labor/delivery is inescapable. This next part is going to sound horrible, and maybe it is horrible, but it is the truth. To cope with the fear of giving birth when I was pregnant with Lily I comforted myself by thinking, "If ------ did it, then I can definitely do it." Are you now wondering if you are ------?!? Don't worry, you're not, she doesn't read my blog. It was nothing against her, I just couldn't picture her being "tough". In my head I was going to be a champion of labor! What I have learned since is that labor is a total crap shoot, and it is totally out of my control. Complications arise, hormones and instinct run high, nurses can make all the difference. Some of my absolute "toughest" girl friends have horrific labor stories while other friends and coworkers (including -----) make labor and delivery sound like a freakin' walk on the beach. I remember reading (last time around of course, I haven't done any pregnancy related reading this time, oops) that there is no medal or trophy awarded to mothers after they give birth.  All anyone cares about is that they have a healthy baby to take home. Amen. This time around I am not bringing any expectations with me to the hospital.  The unknown of it all is sort of exciting.

It is almost laughable how little Dingle and I have done to prepare for bringing this little boy home. Good thing newborns don't actually need very much! If all I take with me to the hospital is nipple cream and blankie I will be a happy camper. Where is the car seat, swing, and pack-n-play? In the basement...somewhere. No thanks to me, he does have clothes that do not have pink bunnies on them, but nothing special to come home from the hospital in. We realized yesterday that there is not a single newborn diaper in the house! I have officially started a list and set a deadline for getting things done (April 11th).

I do have a very small registry set up on Amazon, mostly because they give you a 10% off completion coupon. Aside from the double stroller (which for now we are holding off on) there are no big ticket items. Mostly it is new pump/feeding supplies and a few new blankets and sheets. Here is the link if you are interested: http://www.amazon.com/registry/baby/WZHAB3KIA9VY

All in all this has been a very uneventful pregnancy. Unlike last time, my blood work and screenings all came back normal, ultrasounds and measurements have been great, and symptoms have been almost non-existent. I have been having killer heartburn for several weeks, but I had it will Lily and was not especially surprised it returned. I slept a lot better and much more comfortably last time around, but I was also working full time and may have just been too exhausted to toss and turn.

With 5 weeks to go I consider myself a very lucky and happy pregnant lady!

And Bingo was his Name-o

Why is it so darn hard to name a second baby?!?

Everyone I have talked to about naming their second child has acknowledged that for some reason it seems much harder the second time around. Regardless of gender, living up to the amazing perfection of the name chosen for first born children, is a daunting task.

We started the name game as soon as we found out I was pregnant. Hours upon hours of conversation ensued. The conversation always went something like this:

April: "I want to use a family name for the middle name."
Matt: "Agreed."
April: "I don't want to use anything too popular."
Matt: "Me neither."
April: " It needs to have a nickname."
Matt: "Uh-huh."
April: "Nothing too cutesy, too trendy, or anything with a weird spelling."
Matt: "Sounds good."
April: "Nothing gender ambiguous."
Matt: "Definitely not."
April: "It has to sound good with Lily."
Matt: "Sure."

Given this brilliant list of criteria we chose a girl's name within a few days. Originally we agreed to keep said name a secret. When we chose Lily's name we told everyone right away, which sadly we regretted. I understand that sometimes people say the wrong thing or fail to hold their tongue but on more than one occasion people were flat out rude about our choice. It is NEVER okay to tell expecting parents who have already chosen a name that you don't like it! Trust me, they are not asking for your opinion. What they are doing is telling you a piece of personal information about themselves. If I said to you, "I love my freckles" would you say to me, "I hate freckles" or construct an argument as to why I should hate freckles? Probably not.

In any case when we found out that our little girl was not a little girl, Matt was dying to tell people our girl name. There is no guarantee that we will use it, or even like it by the time we could use it, but had this little one been a girl we would have named her Penelope Katherine. (You'll never guess what happened when we told people, sigh.)*

Turns out choosing the girl's name was a breeze compared to choosing a boy's name that we both loved. There were plenty of names that we both liked, there were a few names one or the other really liked, there were some awesome suggestions (Grover and Rudolph being our personal favorites) but nothing that we both LOVED as much as Lily Victoria. A few weekends ago we were in the car on the way to Maine when the name conversation started up. For the better part of an hour we dissected and scrutinized each name on our list until there was nothing left. Sort of out of the blue my husband made a new suggestion, a name we both LOVED but had some reservations about using. It became clear (to me anyway) as we exited the highway in our hometown that we had definitely chosen our name!!

I still have a very small nagging reservation about the name but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it and will just have to wait and see how it plays out. In any case we are so thrilled to have a name for our little boy! I had an u/s on Tuesday and the tech was able to confirm that we will not be needing Penelope this time. Little boy is measuring in the 96th percentile (gulp) but despite the fact that I feel like a planetary body  these days I am actually measuring small for 30 weeks (head on over to Bump Watch for the latest pictures). My OB seemed very confident that the baby probably has long arms and legs but that weight wise he is not a huge baby.

So there you have it. An entire blog post filled with action and suspense! Ten more weeks to go!


*Side note, if you are only reading this post because you think I am going to reveal our son's name you are going to be disappointed. Admittedly, we have told a handful of people...all of whom have since taken a vow of silence.

Half Baked (20 weeks)!

20w (maternity cords, maternity top) 

The headaches are a distant memory and these days I am feeling great. I wouldn't say that I have had a second trimester burst of energy, but I also have a toddler...so there you go. For the last week or so baby boy has been hosting his very own dance party every evening between 8 and 11pm. On Tuesday (12/12) Dingle felt his first real kick.

My belly is starting to "get in the way" a little bit and several times in the last two days I have given baby boy a "love tap" with the refrigerator door, oops. Lily is becoming increasingly aware of the belly too. Today out of the blue she started patting my belly and saying "pats for baby"...and then my heart burst and I died from the cuteness. Seriously.

Boy OH BOY was I wrong!

Introducing our baby...BOY! 

Our anatomy scan went perfectly on Wednesday. The baby was asleep for the first few minutes of the scan which gave the tech some great photo opps! Once she woke him up it was a whole other story. Not surprisingly our little guy is a mover and a shaker (I have been feeling him since about 17w) and did not want to cooperate. As will be the case for years to come, her little brother's antics put Lily's patience to the test. Daddy did a great job stuffing her face with cereal bars and keeping her relatively happy for FORTY-FIVE minutes. Somebody get that guy a Klondike!

Once we had confirmation that baby looked good I sheepishly asked if we could find out the gender. I just about fell off the table when the tech said BOY!!! 

TRUTH: I cried happy tears. We are so blessed to be Lily's parents and I just can't even imagine being blessed enough to have one of each.

TRUTH: I am a little sad for Lily that this baby is not another girl, but she will be an amazing big sister regardless. 

TRUTH: The idea of having a boy scares the stuffing out of me!!