To find out or not to find out...

Should we find out, boy or girl?

Baby #3 13w3d

Such a loaded question. One that I have found generates a lot of discussion. It seems when it comes to finding out the gender of a baby everyone has an opinion.

I will start with the standard, 'as long as the baby is healthy, we don't care what it is'. Above all else this is really the only thing that matters.

I will be honest and admit that when Matt and I first found out we were pregnant with Lily, I was hoping for a boy. I have said this a million times but I KNEW I was having a girl. I have never been more certain of anything. I realized recently that I have never really written in detail about my pregnancy with Lily. I wasn't blogging at the time. To give you a little back story: We got pregnant our first month of trying, I felt terrific throughout my entire first trimester, and going in to my first ultrasound at 12 weeks I didn't have a care in the world. The ultrasound went great and I had my blood drawn for the quad screen about a week later. I came home from school on a Thursday afternoon to an email from the NP at my doctor's office stating that I needed to get in touch with her immediately. Apparently she had been trying to get in touch with me all week and sure enough there were several messages on the answering machine that we never checked. The messages stated that there was an issue with my blood work that was concerning and that I would need to be seen as soon as possible. I didn't get the email until after hours so there was nothing we could do but wait until Friday morning. Thursday night I didn't sleep at all, and I did a lot of crying. I just couldn't believe there was something wrong with my baby. I was exactly 17 weeks pregnant. The following morning we got the news were we dreading, I had elevated AFP in my blood. The levels indicated that the baby had a 1 in 30 chance of having Spina Bifida. I dropped to my knees in the living room and prayed harder than I have ever prayed that God would protect my baby. It was the worst moment of my entire life. The nurse was able to get us an appointment at a nearby hospital for a level II ultrasound that afternoon. I had told Matt that I did not want to know the sex of the baby, I thought it would make it too hard for me to let go if we found out that the baby was going to die. The sonographer was wonderful and so kind. As soon as she found the baby she asked us if we wanted to know the gender and I blurted out YES. Matt looked surprised and asked me if I was sure. I can't explain the change of heart other than to say that in that moment, looking at our baby, I just had to know everything I could about this tiny person who owned my heart.

The sonographer said that she was 90% sure she knew we were having a girl. To which I replied, "I am 100% sure." After she was done taking her measurement she left and what felt like an eternity passed while the doctor read the results in another room. He came in, introduced himself, and wasted no time in telling us that he really thought the baby would not be paralyzed. He could not promise that she would not have some nerve damage but he did assure us that her spinal column was closed and that as far as he could tell she was perfect. I of course hung on to the fact that she might have nerve damage that would not be diagnosed until after she was born and not the part where he said she was perfect...but Matt swears that last part actually did happen. Lily was born with a deep (as in I could put the tip of my pinky down in it) dimple just above her butt crack that was cause for concern and a pretty clear indication that our positive quad screen had not been a false positive. By the grace of God Lily is perfect and has no permanent nerve damage. She was diagnosed with Spina Bifida Occulta, which is a mild condition that most people live their whole lives without knowing they even have. Needless to say it was a memorable gender reveal but not one that I would ever want to live through again.

Ben's pregnancy was literally textbook in every way. Going in to our 20 week ultrasound I really did think we were having another girl. I didn't "know" like I had with Lily, I think that I just couldn't imagine any other outcome. I just about fell of the table when the sonographer said 'boy'.

Each time we have found out the gender of our baby Matt and I have been together with a sonographer sitting a few feet away...not exactly the time or place for a big celebration. This time I want to do it differently, if we do it at all. As I mentioned the other day I am fine with not knowing this time around. Matt is dead set against waiting. I personally do not understand his need to know. We already have one of each, the new house has plenty of room for all of us, and my girlfriend and I have a great clothes swap already established. There are no logistical reasons for finding out like in the past. I do think that I will feel more connected to the baby if we find out the gender, maybe?. Which is obviously a big factor in favor of finding out. That being said I have had several very negative experiences after the gender was revealed and names are being discussed. If no one knows the gender than there is no reason for anyone to know the baby's name either! I think it might be sort of exciting to go to the hospital not knowing whether we were coming home with a brother or a sister!

Dingle is so adamant that he has to know that I suspect that I am going to lose this one. If I am going to lose, then at the very least we are going to find out on my terms. In other words I want to have a big to-do over the whole thing! As of right now we have agreed to have the sonographer put the gender in an envelope and we will decide if, how, and when to reveal the gender at a later date.

I would love to hear how you feel about the subject...like I said everyone seems to have an opinion!

Baby #3 - 17 Weeks!

Baby stats: This week the baby is about the size of an turnip. Her bones are hardening and her joints are working. She weighs about 5oz and is 5 inches long.

Bump picture: Taken a few days late, we were on our mini vacation in MA from Sunday to Wednesday.

I do think that I look very large for only 17 weeks. That said when I go back and look at my bump watch photos from Ben I don't think I look that much bigger?? I don't know. My girlfriends didn't seem too horrified by my gigantic-ness this weekend, but maybe they were just being nice. The kids are slightly obsessed with the belly. Ben gives the baby kisses and hugs several times a day and as soon as he starts Lily has to get right in there too. It is adorable, and only slightly embarrassing when Ben decides the checkout line at the grocery store is the perfect place to give the belly some lovin'.

How you doin'?: Still feeling really good. We stayed in a hotel while we were away this past week and the kids and I slept in one room. No matter what, sleeping in the same room with Ben is never a good idea. He is a noisy sleeper and at any point in the night if he remembers that you are in there...he wants up. Matt stayed with us just the first night, which was by far the worst night's sleep I got. We had a king bed but Lily insisted on sleeping perpendicular to us in the bed. She kept assuring me that she was "being snuggly", I begged to differ.

Still having slight aches and pains in my hips and back. The pain under my ribs is still there too but as I mentioned last week I am sure it is just a phase and that as my body changes these aches will subside. I just couldn't be more grateful that I am not having headaches and that the queasy feeling is a distant memory.

I have definitely started to worry a little more about our big ultrasound next Wednesday. I just can't shake the feeling that something is wrong, but at the same time I also know just how powerful my brain can be when it sets it's mind to worrying. All I can do is pray and try and keep my mind from going to dark places. Just as I said a few weeks ago, physically I am feeling great so I have no real reason to worry.

While spending time with my girls this past week the inevitable question of whether or not this was "it" for us came up. I hate to even think about it, honestly never being pregnant again, it just makes me sad. That being said I don't know if I can go through all of this again. I am not really all that worried about the stress it puts on my body, but mentally and emotionally I just don't know if I have it in me. Time will tell and pregnancy amnesia will likely set in but I know for certain that I am not as blissfully unaware as I once was.

Aversions/Cravings: I have made good on my proclamation of last week. I will eat anything and did when I was on vacation. Again, nothing crazy, but I have thrown all of my picky tendencies out the window. For the first time in three healthy pregnancies I am not looking forward to getting on the scale next week!

Sleeping: This isn't a good week to measure sleep given the hotel shenanigans. I really stink at going to bed early. I am sure that I would feel better in the late afternoon if I went to bed earlier at night. As it is right now I could easily nap most days, but don't because I am a terrible napper. By the time the evening rolls around I get my second wind and before I know it is 10:30. I haven't been waking up as much during the night and so when I do get to bed at a reasonable time I get a pretty good night's sleep.

Movement: Still not as consistent as I would like. I would love to look at Lily's baby book and see what I wrote about movement, but of course it is in storage. From what I can tell from my blog I started feeling Ben consistently around 18-19 weeks. I suppose I should cool my jets, easier said than done. I did feel several kicks from the outside on Sunday night so that was super exciting.

Milestones: Outside kicks! (16w6d)

What I am looking forward to: Next week is a big one, doctor appointment and big ultrasound on Wednesday AND if the stars align we close on the house on Friday.

Worries: Quad screen jitters have definitely returned.

Let's compare: 

I didn't even know what the quad screen was with Lily until we got the positive results back. With Ben I had to really fight to have them done, the nurse in my OB's office was adamantly against it due the chances of getting a false positive. Um hello, we had already had a 'real' positive. I know I am more worried this time around.

I think I feel physically about the same, maybe more tired this time, but our living situation has everyone sideways so I could just be feeling effects of that. I also didn't try to accomplish something as life changing as selling a house, living with my inlaws while raising two toddlers, and buying a new house during either of my other pregnancies ;)

I have never eaten more in my entire life, let alone during my other pregnancies.

Best moment of the week: We had a great time on our mini vacation so it is hard to pick just one moment. I think if I have to name just one...it is this.

Our Tribute to the Winter Olympics!

Sledding with toddlers! 

I've been meaning to post these pictures all week! Last Sunday we took the kids sledding at a small hill perfect for our pint sized kiddos. Specially, we went to the elementary school that both Matt and I attended, (cue happy sighing), it is SO wonderful to be home. In a twist that no one saw coming Ben actually did not like sledding one bit and Lily LOVED it. Ben was happy to wander around at the bottom of the hill alone like a total weirdo, so in the end everyone was happy. 

Favorite quote of the day, "I only went splat one time!"

Obviously in front of the dumpster was the perfect place for a sibling pic!

Ben's one and only 'go' of the day

Snow bunny (blurry i know)

Happier to be a spectator

About to be fed up by all of the pictures in 5, 4, 3... 

Ben trying to race us to the bottom

You can almost hear the giggles

Like I said, such a odd duck!

Ridin' Solo

SPLAT

Future Olympian! 

Such a potato!

I could just eat him up!

Happy Valentines Day!

Alternate title: The most pinterest'y' thing I have ever accomplished! (and a day early to boot!)

In a fit of hypocrisy I went a little Pinterest crazy for Valentine's Day this year. I suppose it isn't completely hypocritical since I did write just a few days ago that don't have to be a 'pinterest mom' unless you want to be...what can I say other than that I am loving this second trimester burst of energy! 

Anyway Lily's preschool class is small so I figured it wouldn't be too crazy to make her Valentine's Day cards instead of buying them. For the record I also bought a box at the dollar store fully expecting to fail miserably at producing cards that would not scar my daughter for life. After seeing a few cute things that involved at lot of paper and cutting I decided to make these...

Credit: http://beholderinsinspirations.blogspot.com/

I thought it would be super cute if we made heart shaped crayons and attached one to each of the kids' valentines. I couldn't find this small silicone mold and since I was throwing this whole thing together in one day I actually felt pretty grateful to find a bigger (6 cup version) version at Christmas Tree Shoppe for three bucks. 

Lily helped to break up the crayon pieces (as best she could) and she also helped to place them into the mold. She had just enough attention span to help me make the first batch, then Mimi and I peeled crayons for the rest of the afternoon a little while longer, in order to make three batches total. 

I baked the crayons at 350 for about 10 minutes. As soon as they looked melted all the way through I took them out of the oven and placed them on the porch to cool, I am far too impatient for my own good. I was a little worried because most of the crayons just looked brown from the top and I was pretty convinced that this whole thing was going to be a huge flop. When I popped the crayons out of the mold (and they really did slide right out) I was pleasantly surprised! 

The first batch I made was very thick and I decided that for the purposes of gluing them onto the foam card stock I had, thinner was better. For the second and third batches I only used two layers of crayon as opposed to filling the whole cup. They were harder to get out of the molds but in the end were easier to attach to the cards. I used hot glue which melted the wax slightly and seemed to hold the hearts in place. 

Lily had to write her name on all 15 cards, which after the first three was the worst thing I had ever asked her to do in her whole life. We had to take several breaks and I had to apologize for snapping. It wasn't my finest moment but I should have known better than to expect that she was going to fill out all of the cards in one sitting: stupid mommy. 

The end result was super cute and I was happy with how they turned out. I would definitely do these crayons again for other holidays or goodie bags. 

Then in a moment of total insanity I decided that I should also make royal icing heart cookies for Lily's class. 

I really have no idea what came over me, like I said some kind of pregnancy related phenomenon. 

Last but certainly not least, Lily's Valentine's Day gift from us, a brand new outfit! She was one happy little girl as she left for school this morning! 

Gotta love that toddler "smile"