Laughing through the tears

Lily never ceases to amaze me.

Weaning has been a roller coaster for both of us. Some days she would cling to me and whimper for half the day, I cut out all mid-day nursing cold turkey when we got home from FL. Other days I was worried sick because she would go all day with almost nothing to drink. When I started weaning I was looking forward to sleeping in once in awhile and not having to whip "it" out all day long. Now that we are finished, I feel like I am losing something. Is it my baby? I don't know. Time goes by so fast and I am not ready to even consider the fact that Lily is not a baby anymore.

Fast forward to tonight, our first night officially off the boob. In hindsight it was poor planning because Matt is in the city at a meeting. But I had mentally prepared myself for last night to be "the last time" and I didn't want to drag it out. So we did our usually routine, diaper change, tickles, pajamas, more tickles, and instead of nursing I scooped her up and we headed upstairs. I was in tears by the time we reached the top step. I put her down in the crib and her eyes filled with tears. I know what you're thinking, "she was totally playing you", but I really don't think so. She was crying because I was. I picked her up and she held my neck so tight, it was a perfect moment...but what happened next is something I will never forget. We sat down in the rocker and she rubbed her blankie on both of our cheeks for a minute, and then out of no where she giggled. A perfect belly shaking giggle. I started to laugh and she giggled again. I pulled her close, we rocked for two verses of "I love you coo coo" (our own version of "We love you Conrad" from Bye Bye Birdie) and I put her to bed. I haven't heard a peep since.

That may have been the best moment of my life.