Monday, January 10, 2011

A letter to the Grownup Fairy

I will not make any excuses for my absence.  I was on vacation...from the internet.  It was nice to be off the grid for a little while.  When we returned from visiting our families for Christmas I spent an entire week hiding out, Lily wasn't the only one overstimulated from the constant socialization!  I do apologize if you missed me or if I didn't return your call, email, text, or fb post!  Please don't take it personally for I am back now, recharged and full of witty banter.

So, Happy 2011.  This is a big year for me! You guys, I am turning 30 this year! I will be in my thirties...which brings me to the title of my post.  Picture someone sitting on their couch at 11:30 on a Monday morning wearing purple pajama bottoms with little yellow chicks, blankie on lap, goofing around on her laptop. I know you are cheating and picturing me but I think you get the point...surely the person described above in not a grownup! 

There is a letter from our mortgage company on the counter, I can't believe those morons at the bank approved a loan for a couple of kids!  I mean I know that lenders at the time were giving out loans like candy but seriously, what were they thinking?!?  I look down at my wedding ring and laugh!  Ha. What kind of minister lets two kids get married (two and a half years ago!)?  Don't even get me started on the dress-up-play-thing sleeping in her crib right now.  They sure do make these dolls lifelike nowadays!  

I am totally turning into a grownup.  How the hell did that happen? Or maybe I should ask, when will I feel like this growup life is really mine? Maybe on my 30th birthday I will be magically transformed by the Grownup Fairy, which none of you other adults have told me about because at the time of your transformation you were sworn to secrecy.  Yeah, that's it.  It is the only logical explanation, clearly.  Well Grownup Fairy, you sneaky minx, I am on to you.  The way I see it you have been running around blindsiding people for years! Giving out grey hair and saggy boobs.  Well not to me, I will not be duped.  In lieu of your traditional gifts I would like the following things for my transformation:  First, the continued ability to sleep past one needs to be up at 4am, no one. Second, thick shinny hair like a shampoo model (preferably brown but I am open to reasonable alternatives). Lastly, leave my boobs right where they are! Seriously, the Puberty Fairy was stingy so hands off and show some mercy. 

Thank you in advance Grownup Transformation Fairy, or whatever it is that you would like to be called.  I am looking forward to your visit!  For now I have to Lily poop and pee dolls needs a diaper change. 


  1. I must say I rather enjoying the whitter banter that goes on inside your mind and it helps me feel like I'm not so far away. On that note, I know exactly why you still feel like a "kid" and its because you married an absolute child. The 28 or however year old "man" that protects your house is is an avid gamer, adding to the effect is that he plays nintendo which is much more childish and cartoony than xbox or playstation, and diddles on his computer somehow making a profit. At the same time, I will continue to play video games until I die, probably with him when were 45 and 50, and will officially never grow up and I'm sure you and the family have already figured out.

  2. Haha love this one. I too am waiting for a visit from this so called Grownup fairy. It is possible that he paid a visit and our door was locked. Seriously, I have one of those dolls too and I love how lifelike he is. Plus, I work with teenagers and sadly consider some of them my friends. I don't plan on growing up anytime soon. Cheers to us and Peter Pan.